F^$#

I don't wanna be so violently, illiterately nasty to myself. The sax player was an asshole whose music sucked and whose piano skills were inferior to mine and twenty years and not two in the making and who squawked around like a wannabe Jack Black (and yeah, who would wanna be.) and was trying to get me to admire him and I know that. And I don't wanna be that trainwreck who storms offstage in tears anytime someone tells her she's less than brilliant despite the whole audience's applause. But that seems to be who the F I am. And I know it's because I drink too much. And I know I was a total bitch to Carlos for no reason at all. And to every audience member who came up to me as I sped out of the place knocking my equipment over to say they loved it and I rolled my eyes and said Yeah right like a F'in a-hole, and why would this place ever book me again and why would C even ever talk to me again. I wish I wasn't like this, I don't know what to do about it, I wish J's beta-blockers came in yesterday or today so I could've taken them and then I probably wouldn't have drank myself into this state which never feels like drunk because of the rampant alcoholism and Irish blood but undeniably, unmistakably, affects my judgment and my moods. GREAT. Great. Great.

But I figure I might as well burst several bubbles with one mood swing and I AM gonna tell Julian about my feelings for him on Tuesday, it really is just pathetic not to, and deal with the blows as they all come and see if I won't drink myself to death by midweek.

STAY TUNED

SOD

Guess Who's Still Up?

That's right, me. Me, bitches.

This is dumbfounding. I'd have to get up shortly before work to get a good [night's] sleep at this point. And I was passing out at the diner. It's the damn booze. I don't get drunk, I don't ACTUALLY ever pass out, just CNS-depressed enough so that I can't sleep when it wears off. What a bitch, that.

I just had an hour-and-a-half long sexual fantasy about Julian. I am, okay, pretty SF at this point. If he touched me to any degree I would probably have an orgasm. OMG, sigh.

I laughed really hard twice yesterday.

1. At the show, there was a singer/guitar-player D00D who just, sucked like Electrolux up in there. I did NOT laugh while he was playing! Though I did hiccup once when he did something musically silly but it came off like an amused, laugh-with... But for the rest of his performance I think I was just staring ahead of me and tearing a beer label to shreds in my lap thinking about losing my gear. The emcee made eye contact with me at one point and I noticed I was visibly unhappy and quickly recomposed. But after the D00D was done he was like, talking to him from the stage, like, "That's original material, Travis? That's cool, man," and I was just like uh-oh giggles might be nigh... but they weren't, but then after Travis D. ooD walks out, the emcee goes, "I think it was great how he was just like I wrote a song, driving down the road, and it was long, and I'm just playin' it," but I mean, it was like really to the tune, and phrasing, of TD's, and I had a major onslaught, and no one else really seemed to even think it was supposed to be funny but the emcee had that evil little faint non-smile some comedians get when they're telling a hilarious, slightly mean joke. Ah, these things translate so badly...

2. At the club tonight, okay, this will translate badly too, because it's another impersonation. God, what translates to writing worse than an impersonation? Nothing, I think! I think this is as bad as a choice as I could have made! But maybe you can imagine... So, it's this girl Asia who's hilarious when she's drunk, if a little mean-hilarious, and is REALLY pretty, like a DOLL-cute, she's black with freckles, which is my FAVORITE, and huge Bambi eyes and round, perfect everything, and long straight black hair, which of course is fake as a $3 bill , but eveything else is real. Anyway, she's like implausibly cute, and she starts going off about Karolina, like "She come up to these men, like, You don't have money? Like, real concerned-like, like, Where's my money? Just like, confused..." And she was doing the Russian accent, and it was so dead on, I was dying, and she kept doing it, elaborating like, "But no, no, she be really curious, like," and she walked up to me again with Karolina's curious look, "You don't have money? And the man said, he don't have money, she be like," and she walks up to me again, this time like cocking her head even more confused, "Where is my money?" And she just KEPT doing it, and it just got funnier everytime, till I'm like laying back on the seats kicking my feet up and down like, "No!!!! Don't do it!!!" And Asia's like, "She be doin' it all night long." And Karolina walks in like "What you bitches are talking about?" and Asia's like, "You, bitch, talkin' bout "Where's my money all night long." And Karolina's like, "Well, tell me, why are you are here, you don't have money?" She's pretty f'in funny too. All the girls are, really, and Asia goes, "All night long." :::giggle:::

From the Notebook of Anna Magdelena Bach-- Asshats.

********************************************************************************************************Meh, I know there are a couple typos and more than a couple thinkos, but I still think it sings.

Oh god and this asshat's music. I seriously, I cannot even describe, cannot even begin to do it justice...

But I'm damn sure gonna try:

Ok, it was like... Cleveland from Family Guy singing, a song to Loretta, that Chris from Family Guy wrote, from an episode about Quagmire from Family Guy's lovelife. Self-produced, ahem, on some sorta magic TOOLZ so brilliantly it made me and my kangaroo keyboard and Bluetooth mic feel like f'in Jon Brion. UGH!