Jonas

Jonas-

Thank you, babe, thank you, I can't even access your site right now, you're amazing, you're amazing.

<3 <3 <3

Love and lyrical prose,

Scarlet O'Deserving-I'm-Not

Fade

I had a crazy, kind of horrible, kind of great day. I decided I'm gonna quit whining so much but I was running around, sluggish, ten million things to do, making crackhead mistakes the whole time, I left my keys in the damn ignition and locked myself out in the cold, house keys on the same chain, phone almost dead, ugh, etc.

I got home and fell asleep for an hour, with my shoes and clothes on, face down. I've never done that.. I woke up and realized I was alone, that no one was next to me, and started crying. I've been alone for so long. I can barely take it.

I went to the venue with my neighbor. The owner wasn't too nice, and I just felt awful, but after a couple drinks, and the DJ warming up, we started dancing, and it was great. There was no one there.

We drove home and I found my Gipsy Kings CD in the car and I haven't heard it in like 6 months and we blasted it and I was happy.

Stop. Stop. Stopstopstopstop

I know what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna do what he did, I'm gonna say I've been meaning to ask you....... I know you don't do this, but.................... can you refer me to someone for that sedative thing that doesn't slow you down?

HA!!!!!!!!

I don't have the balls!

He changed my appointment to EIGHT PM ON FRIDAY.

Thank god I'm a little slow, because I never react to anything, because it doesn't process til later. I KNOW, it's meaningless, I KNOW. But Jesus Mary and Joseph. EIGHT PM ON A FRIDAY--

EIGHT PM ON A FRIDAY.

OweDeer

God I need to practice. Please shut up and go to sleep S, please.

Ceci N'est Pas Un Blog

I am not blogging right now. I am so f'in' tired (I know--Wolf! Wolf, wolf wolf!) that I'm grossed out by the computer and the lamp; I've finally exhausted myself to the point where I can just Go To Sleep, for f's sake, and Madeline's acting like a lunatic and it's so irritating I'm feeling like a lunatic myself. I still had to laugh though, she was autistically scratching at a paper bag and dashing back and forth to finally end up suspended pretty much upside down from the couch. One of my neighbors I never spoke to before stopped me walking out and got me a booking at this swanky place downtown, he's been hearing me play, I had no idea I was audible, for some reason... of course I am. I figured it was a load of crap because he told me I should sing for this, and that, and commercials, so I could make money?? and I was like, well yeah, but... that's kind of hard to get into... and I don't know any of those people. But I gave him a CD and met the manager (who I've heard of a bunch and awesome) and have one coming up, and I'm actually gonna ask J if there's something I can take because I never get stagefright but I think I'll be so nervous I choke. Quite in contrast with the other neighbor. Never dealt with that.

I had a date with Julian today (joke, I'm not actually insane yet ), and it was amazing. I am, not to be mundane, madly in love with him. GOD-DAMN am I in love with him. He got out these comic strips people have cut out for him (patients? I got jealous, just now. Why didn't I think of that?? That's cute and unassuming. But no, too forward for me. I can't make a move yet. God I sound like an ass...) when I was telling him Madeline was being a nightmare lately and he said he thought of me, and, oh man, I'm starting to cry now, what is wrong with me, je-sus. Jesus. And I'm blogging. I have to cut it out.

Love and lunacy,

Scarlet O'Dreamtime

Bigot Bloggers!

I comment occasionally on this one super-intellectual-geekout blog and they hate me even though I just say nice, normal things. Prejudice in cyberland where I don't have a face? I can't even say they hate redheads. :-(

Spread Thin, Stoked, Stormy

I know I haven't been writing as much, and reading as much, of your blogs, I just, I haven't had time, and, I've been writing letters to people... and writing a lot of music, and recording, and I can't sleep so I'm never awake, and I drink like a fish at work and I'm gonna cry even though I'm stoked... I have a showcase for a record label just last minute on Wednesday and I have to learn all my shit down and like I don't have time, I also had to finish my column for the paper today when it was due on Sunday. And school is starting, and working, school's starting in a week, and on the same day, my ex fiance is coming HERE. I haven't seen him in more than year. He didn't wanna move here. He used to be a rockstar, but I dunno blew it off, cuz he's, like that... but he's the funniest, most magical sexbomb person and I can't, I haven't even thought about what happened... But I sent him my tracks and he said it was good. And don't add anything to it, like drums or bass or whatever, it'll just mess it up. And he's right. And he gave me advice. And he's letting me cover a couple of his songs. His songs. Are genius. He has the sexiest, toughest, most beautiful voice in the world. And God I love him, but, he was, ugh... I don't want to think about it. It's too much right now. But I'm not gonna revert to how I was with when I was with him... all the growth, I'm not gonna regress, so I'm not gonna start telling him I love him and stuff because that's not fair and I need to just hold it back and be mature about it.

I see Julian tomorrow. I'm gonna tell him thank you. He deserves it.