The Touching Rule.

so on friday

i went in

at 2 and... i told him cam called me, that we watched a movie, he said oh which one is cam again, .......the model...
--Oh right, that dreams big.
.......Right.. He's really really sweet to me, he still calls me, you know, i like that, i like when guys are persistent, and show me they like me, it's a turn on... Yeah i mean, it's like, it's always been the way everyone i dated was, they were always like someone i knew for a while, that wore me down eventually with persistence..
--Well, now do you think that this passive approach is something we should look at?
.....I was just saying i LIKE when men are STRAIGHT FORWARD
--Right, right, i see that, but for example, with...?
......CAM.
--With Cam, you had expressed that you found him... irritating... so, I guess that's changing?
......It's just a quality I LIKE.
--Oh, okay, okay. So it's a quality you like.
......I mean some guys play these like childish mindgames.....
--How do you mean?
......How do I mean.
--Are you going to elaborate on that?
......Playing DUMB is one way they do it.
--What do you mean by that?
......HAH!
--What, what is it?
......Okay... Hey I made you a CD.
--Oh, right, yes,
......Here.
--Thank you-
......You have to tell me what that means, it's 'I only want to play' right?
--'I only want to walk,' literally, but metaphorically, yo solo quiero caminar por la vida, it means walking through life,
......It's gypsy music, it's like yo solo quiero caminar!
-- Ahhh... and wow, this one, this was like my theme song in college, in Minnesota, I used to listen to it over and over in the car...
......Oh! Really! Well of course it was...
--Mmhmm.. and this one is-
......I have this new computer so I like making-
-- Uh huh, right. Well. Thank you, I'm-
......Oh, is that necessary?
--Is what?
......Never mind. I told you I forgot my co-pay?
--Oh, yes, that's fine, you can bring it next week, or next time. Yes? I saw a brief flash of the Pensive Look-
......Yes, that old Pensive Look, J.
--Yes...
......YOU'VE got the Pensive Look. J... How are you?
--I'm good, hah, how are you?
......I don't want to go to this wedding.
--Oh, no? You don't want to make Amenz (quoting from my last e-mail making fun of AA traditions)?
.......No, I don't.
--Because you're mad at Laura?
.......She, like, doesn't like me anymore.
--And do you like her?
.......I always LIKED her, she was my friend, I mean through Manny..
--So you like him, so you should go for him.
.......Yeah.
--It's just, an hour and a half for a wedding isn't really prohibitive, the fact that you included that, it sounded a little compensatory.
....... I don't want to go alone..
--Why don't you bring Jo? That's a plus one?
......Yeah! I should totally... Julian.
--What?
.......I know, these rules, but, like, you're acting like...
--I'm acting like what?
.......You're trying to avoid, like, a flame. Jumping back away from a flame.
--What do you mean?
.......Can I look at your hand?
-- Look at my hand?
.......Other hand. And you're repeating everything I'm saying, J.
--Sorry, I don't understand..
.......WHAT don't you understand?
--I don't understand what you want.
........You DON'T?
--No.
.......
--How's the drinking?
......Guess.
-- Okay, I'd guess, there has been some drinking. Last night?
......You mean when I was with Cam? Or when I was writing you?
--Well you tell me.
......I was writing you while I was with Cam.
-- Okay, so, you were with Cam, and you were writing, and you were drinking?
......Bingo.

I took his left hand with my right hand. He grabbed my wrist with it. I held his hand down with my left hand. We were frozen like that for a second. And he was staring at me.

He loosened his grip on my wrist, and I let go with my right hand. And kept my left on top of his.

He dropped it down onto my knee.

I pressed it down onto my knee and pushed it up my thigh a fraction of an inch.

And he squeezed it for a second.

And I went: GASP.

And he pulled back, and folded his arms and looked at me.

And I looked at him. And he said-

Did you want to read my palm or something?

And I said, Yes.

And he said, I don't really believe in that... Do you?

I said, I think you believe in it.

And he said, Really?

And I said, Yeah... I think you do...

And he said, Well, maybe I do... But you didn't answer my question. And I would like to try and... I think we should probably, enforce some of these rules.

I said, Okay... And I was still barely breathing... and I said, Is it time to go?

He said, Do you want to go?

I have to use the restroom. I'll see you... um... on...

Wednesday, unless you don't mind being on call, for Tuesday--

Sure, I'll be on call, whatever, I'll be on call...

Are you okay?

I'm fine Julian I'll see you Tuesday...

And I walked RIGHT INTO the door.