Alive

I slept through the entirety of yesterday.

I slept from around 3 a.m. Tuesday night until 11 this morning. Waking up every two hours or so. I didn't go to class yesterday, or today, though I could've gone today, as I woke up in time and just chose to go back to sleep, and couldn't even sleep much more, waking up finally only 15 minutes later. I think there was a quiz. Oh well. I'll make it up. I'll either make it up or fail. One way or another.

I checked my messages and there were two from Julian. His number is blocked, and I get these calls from people trying to sell me stuff that are blocked, and I got an e-mail from him in the morning saying he'd read all my e-mails and to let him know if I needed to speak to him before Friday, so I didn't think he would've called. If I knew I would've called back, or waited for him to try back. "Hi Scarlet, it's Julian... I was just calling to make sure we could find a time to talk if you want to, before Friday... My schedule is pretty much booked today, and tomorrow too, but we could make it before or after my other appointments if that works for you... Well, I guess I'll try back in about an hour..." "Hi Scarlet, it's--"

I called him back just now... and I called my insurance company. I'm actually really kind of worried about that... Ok so he doesn't like me. I don't care. I can't stop seeing him. I think that's kind of making this really much harder... that I might have to stop seeing him, or even cut down, maybe Therese is right and I'm having a breakthrough, and it would be really bad to stop right now-- either way it would be really bad to stop right now...

This guy just came up to me to ask about my laptop, and we started talking, and it turns out he knows some people I know, and he's in the music industry, and he invited me to this party tomorrow... And my friend from out-of-town is gonna be here tonight,who I really want to see, that I never see, like once every two years, who I write to, who's one of two people who know about this blog... I'm not sure when his last update was so I don't know if he's caught up but he'll understand if I start sobbing into my vodka soda. He's one of like two people I'd wanna see today. Besides Julian. Or maybe including Julian.