ataxaphasia

i've been SLOPPY writing. i've been through hell, blabliggety, my internet isn't really working at home anymore ever. that's mostly it- when i do have a minute and feel like blogging (or hours lounging on the bed), i can't. i have to get dressed and up and go all the way out to some cafe and then do that and only that for hours and try to get it ALL done, all the e-mails and work and talk to people and everything, so i'm not even necessarily in the right headspace AND cetera. it's probably good for me generally to feel purpose and get out the house, but i'm always wiped out and i just can't. it happens to be working right now, touch wood. i just agreed to go over to jo's house and i really wanna hang out with jo but fuck i'm too tired, i need time to chill and i HAVE to go to work later and i woke up at 6 30 and work's til 2.

i took my psych test yesterday. came in late. with all my homeworks from the days i missed to turn in, and we were supposed to bring our own scantron and pencils and obviously i didnt have that so i interrupted everyone to borrow them. and then i sat down to take the test.

and i was like: What???

it was material i'd never seen. ever. it was like a neurology test. i was shaking my head the whole time. i was like man, this guy is nuts, and just likes to mess with us, (i even considered there was some practical joke thing going on, like a psychological experiment to say who'd say something... cu3 he'd do that. he really would.) but i was like well i'll do what i can. i think i did pretty well. the test questions informed each other... hahaha.... and then i handed it in and having already whispered about my homework in front of everyone and flitted around during the exam just had to be like:

Ok prof I know I missed a week, but, WHAT was that? and he just looked at me like, well.. that was the test. and i was like, I mean, I had a list of concepts and terms to study, and that was... He was like, right, that was all about them, and I was like, Oh no, no, it really wasn't. And he picked it up and was like, Oh you got the wrong test, and just looked perplexed and I was like Well give me the right one!!! Give, give I have like 20 minutes right?? and he was like, you should've said something... and i was like, really i thought it was just my bad, actually, can you grade it, i wanna know how i did? and he's like no. i'm sure you did well... but it's the final...

So i took the damn test in like 5 minutes. And then we had regular class. And I take it back about him. he's kinda awesome, now that he's dropped the act, it was much better during the second class, and then the third, and now he's actually really cool... at first i think he assumed people would be judgmental and prejudiced against him so he like, played it up, actually kinda hypocritical, but he's not wrong. there was a girl last night who complained about the lecture and just said the rudest things in front of a class of 40 it fucking blew my mind. me and clara who sits behind me and is always saying things under her breath that are screamingly funny but like theyre not MEAN funny theyre just sharp and silly like little things youd say to friends, which is what i do when i speak out, im ARGUING with him but its not like im disrespecting him im arguing with him cu3 i wanna hear what he has to say (AND, ugh, and, because i'm spouting out Julian's ideologies. well that's really what it is.)

...but clara's also from a tiny town in the south and black and 53 so of course he likes her off the bat but she's really awesome too and when i walked in last night in my tank top dress she just shook her head at me and i plunked down in front of her and she pushed my bra strap down under the back of it...

and the class is kind of a shout it free-for-all, and i like that now that its not just him yelling at us... and this girl was just, my jaw dropped and i looked at clara and she was like W.T.F. and didn't even joke about it, she was like whatdidshesay??? and I was like "idontcareaboutthiscrap!" and she was like wellsheshouldbegladitsnotmestandingupthere... whatdidshejustsaynow? and i was like She says she wants to talk about the book... and then I said out loud You can read the book stuff IN THE BOOK. and prof laughed and the girls all the way in the back and we're all the way in the front so i couldn't see her but i guess she got embarrassed because he was like, Hey, don't let other people control you, and he likes to put me on the spot all the time but then at the end of class yesterday i was like, i am sorry i WILL be on time next week! and he was like, ok! i like having you in class, i like when you engage, because you make sense, it makes the other students think...