It's so tempting to go purchase and ingest a large quantity of drugs right now.
So tempting yet not tempting at all.
That's what I've been doing, for the past couple weeks, if we're gonna call a spade a spade here.
I don't even like drugs of any kind. I just didn't know what else to do with myself. Horrific timing as always, making the noggin' null and void right before a bargeful of shows, the onslaught of school, right at the very moment in life to buck the fuck up, right when right now truly calls from some grace...
Right at the moment I'm drooling over a cigarette typing in tongues.
Ugh.
Gross.
But, no one has to know about this, because I kept my own personal ass pretty much entirely in the doma. No Sid to my fucking Nancy.
The headmath just kinda went something like this-- "Well," it went, "Well! You're not gonna be able to talk to him for a few months, and this is gonna put you out for at least a day or two..."
Wrong.
The stuff, well first of all it made me write him. Like, the Devil LITERALLY made me do it.
And it made me sit and think and wank and cry about him all by my lonesome for COUNTLESS fucking hours...
And then the Killyourself factor significantly spiked, when it wore off.
And it's not even fun.
Who LIKES that shit???
And now, here I am, 80 bucks leaner, two-weeks older, none-the-wiser, and really, no closer to the expiry date of Significant Time passage as I HAVE been communicating, and rather hysterically, at that.
Well. All very good for the art. But seriously. No more. Totally gross. Ugh.
They just through you out of balance. Who likes it? I'd be a liar if I didn't say a part of me didn't want to feel the out of balance right now. It isn't good though but sometimes I need that bit of release of emotion to continue moving on. Maybe you did too.
ReplyDeleteyeah youre right i did... and sometimes its kind of like.. a reboot... a cold reboot to the entire system... back to basics, sometimes with insight...
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