Armotrash

Working at night like this... Just makes me feel utterly worthless during the days. I don't wanna do anything. But eat and sleep.

Turns out, again, the trip is way more f'ing expensive than I thought it was. Again, Elena told me some more inaccurate stuff, like, that she had frequent flier miles I can use, whatever, I'm not gonna bitch... But I had a panic attack yesterday...

I went out with some Armotrash mobsterpunks after work to get food. They are so uncouth. And what is it about these Eastern bloc gangsters, where it's always ONE cute, smart one who's like really witty and sexy and cultured in a swiss cheesical kinda way with lots of holes in his knowledge base, surrounded by a bunch of blankeyed neckless cavemen?? I mean I know it's like a power/selfesteem issue, THEY want to be the smart one who can smoothtalk when they have to and guffaw the rest of the time, but with Italian mobsterpunks it's usually a group of predominantly smart and funny, with one token meathead, not the other way around.

Varan fell in love when I came down and sat at their table eating a lollipop and he says to me, with the two no-english-speakin' lugs watching, Oh, just keep eating your lollipop. No, in a sexual way. No, this is not sexual...

And I chomped down on it, shattering little pieces of lollipop everywhere, and started giggling.

And it took him a minute to realize I was being a smartass myself.

A little piece of blue tootsie pop landed near his crotch, and he motioned that I should lick it, and said "Can you clean this up now please?" And I raised my foot up between his legs, just hovering the tip of my eight inch heel right over his private parts, and, said, real dumb-like, "Oh SURE! Let me just wipe it right off I'm sorry!!" And then made like a stabbing motion downward stopping just short....

He wiped the seat himself and was totally enchanted...

He was making me laugh, too, with his stupid crude Armotrash jokes about everyone in the club... These mobsterpunks just really love making fun of everyone, it's a total universal, he's just like Stefan but from slightly further south. And this is the third gang of Eastern Euro disorganized criminals I've won over in that damn club. And they're assholes to everyone.

Star came over and asked one of the meatheads if he wanted a dance and he said "Sorry you are too heavy for me." And she looked over at me, and I was sitting with Varan, and I could just shake my head and not really say anything else, which kind of was a shitty feeling. But that's how it is...

We went to get food after the shift, and I literally walked out on them. They didn't even do anything, I'd just had it, after they missed a turn for the 9th time, and didn't listen, and couldn't find anything open, and kept rolling down the window to shout out or spit at people. And were probably talking some trash about me in that bizarre language.

We pulled up in front of a Subway--- yeah, the FAST FOOD chain--- and got out and they were communing about something and I was standing there saying to Varan, for like the tenth time, Look, I really have to go, I'm tired, and he kept saying, Baby! Come on! Relax! You were hungry! and he gave me his Coke to drink and I kept trying to give it back to him, and just wouldn't take it, so I put it down on the curb, and said, Hey. I'm going. And turned around and said Dasvodanya and literally walked home.

They pulled up to me after like five minutes and stopped and V opened the door and said, Scarlet come on get in! And I said, WHERE. Are we going. And he said home, home, and I heard him tell the two goons in the front my cross streets so I got in and they drove me home. But I would've walked. It wasn't that far.

Cam and a bad Joke

i am not fucking going to work tonight.

nope.

i am not going to talk to anyone, because i tried that today, and it wasnt working out too well.

i ran into one of the producers of my movie in the fedex, where i was chipping away at the infernal occupation of preparing for my trip, and it took me like 5 minutes to figure it out and then another 2 to be simpatichnaya. and then i total Cam to go eat a bag of dicks, for no good reason. not for NO reason, but not a really good one. he just suggested going to the beach and then asked if we could 'take [my] ride' and last week after working on his stupid audition scene, he asked me to get him cigarettes, on the way.... i'm like... what the blue moon???

so that was today. ironically. i had more than half a mind to drive to the beach by myself, in my Ride, but to take the Blue Oyster, who's worth about $80 in scrap metal (i just crossed myself. i love the Blue Oyster and am extremely grateful for everything he's done but for the grace of god) when Cam has like, well, I dunno it's really low-to-the-ground and kind of clausterphobic, honestly it gives me the screamin Meemies, but at least, a normal car, is just out of the question, besides which he was asking deliberately to be like I'm not paying for your Shit, cuz I'm a Modern Duder, and you are not even sleeping with me. it's just seven layers of retarded, and i cant.

so,

here's a really bad Armotrash joke for y'all... or rather, a pearl of wisdom, in the standard vaudevillian totally like Capone meets Catskills three-part bait-and-switch construction. as told, with flawless timing, to Y.T. by mobsterpunk Meathead #1:

what's the difference between a russia girl and a french girl?

please, enlighten.

if a guy meets a russian girl on the street, and says to her, to hook up with her, oh, lets go have some drinks blablabla, she says, oh, no, i cant, i have to meet my mother, this, and then eventually she says, ok.

so they go for drinks, blabla, and then he tells her oh, lets for disco. so she says oh, no, i cant, its late, i have in the morning things to do, so he says oh come on so finally she says ok, ok, we go.

so they go to disco, so then he says oh why not you come to sleep at my place, so she says, oh, no, i cant, no, no, but eventually she say ok.

ok?

ok.

so a french girl, a guy meets on the street and wants to hook up to her, and says oh come on we'll get some drinks, so she says, sure why not?

so they go and have some drinks and he says, how about we go have disco and so the french girl says yeah sure ok!

so then after disco he says how now about you come to sleep at my house, and she says yeah, great!

ok?

O-kay.

so then in the morning, when they wake up, the french girl packs up all her things in her bag and says ok now im going, bye!

and the russian girl says in the morning, oh, just wait and i go to my mother house and take my things in my bag and i come right back!

DA-DAM CHING