All work and no Play, boy.

I think.

That you guys are right.

I had two hours of sleep last night, I just couldn't sleep, and I was so tired, but I ended up writing a lot of music... I'm kinda stoked about it... ks I'm gonna link you too... LOL.

And I had made plans to go real early in the morning to a dance class and then yoga right after with Celine... I gotta keep myself busy now and I wanna stay in touch with my friends, especially decent classy people... and I finally gave the damn super so much hell, I mean not hell, just like, listen up asshole, no more fucking around or trying to get over on me. And I came home and ALL my shit was fixed. All the clogged sinks and the missing screen and everything.

I hadn't worked out in ages and I ran all the way to the class and then swam cuz I was early and deposited my check in the bank and then did the classes and man-- I love dancing so much-- I love it onstage but I mean this class was like hardcore salsa and I forgot how much FUN dancing is and how much I used to love it before I got so burnt out with the ballet...

And Celine's real cool...

And I'm thinking-- I can't even tell like 99% of these people about my JOB. If I started doing Playboy shit, I mean... There's no hiding that and Kris you're right, it would change the way I see myself, and it would change everything, and for what, $500 bucks? And then a future being a bl0wup doll?

And Bathwater yes. I'm making myself start eating. Pizza sounds amazing but out here on the west coast, well, it's like the same as it was in pennsyltucky... but I lived in NYC when I was in the company and I KNOW pizza. so maybe mexican?

love and lotsa carbs,

S-O

playboy

i could not sleep last night
sigh
it's okay
i was writing a lot... music and stuff.

so the playboy meeting was kinda awesome. the agent was actually way cooler than i expected, we talked about the midwest, and the industry changing, and career plans.

they loved me basically.

but now i don't know. when you start out you're not a Month or a centerfold... just a bunny chick. and it pays SHOCKINGLY little. like any regular magazine shoot... and he told me I'd have to cover up my tats, unless I wanted to do the web thing, and I don't, and to gain 5 pounds-- which would normally be a piece of CAKE-- but right now seems impossible...

And it's so public. It's playboy. and it's not like being a centerfold when you're some famous person. and now everything's on the web forever.

so I don't know, I told him that and he understood... and they have me on file, and to give him a call whenever I decide.

I'm going to just get up now I guess, bone-weary as I am, jog to the gym, meet Celine and take a couple classes that will probably kill my malnourished ass. Then come home, pass out for a bit, and go to work.

That's the plan, Stan.

Ex Ballerinas

I have to go shoot this interview for a film Celine's friend is making about ex ballerinas. He sent me an e-mail with the questions. I know I'm dutybound by the first rule of Fight Club to only say good things about Fight Club, and to talk about the instructors and choreographers and other dancers with adulation as hi fructose corn syrup oozes out of the corners of my mouth but I wanna say that as soulful and incredible as the life can be it's soulcrushing (and bonecrushing and anorexifying) for most, and that 999 out of 1000 ballerinas are ex ballerinas after a few years, and its kind of a dead art, like jazz or classical music or even a lot of theatre, sadly, most of whats done that's good is just, technix, if not PYROTECHNICS, which is really sad.

And that I'm eternally grateful for it because it got me the hell out of dodge and to all sorts of cool places I would've never gone...

And then one of the questions of course is: What do you do now? Do you use your dance training in any way today? And of course I'm gonna say, well, sure, the discipline I learned, the blafuckingbla, respect for my body (yeah right, most classical ballet dancers battle their bodies on the daily), and art and blah. And I'm a student, now. The truth would actually be great. Now? Oh, now I'm a dancer. Yes, I use my dance training. I make a living dancing.

But I don't actually, I feel like I've had to unlearn a lot of it, to dance "dance" no it's really dancing, it's just really different, I mean, it's all dancing, but with ballet, there are just some really unsexy specifics....

Anyway.

I have to go throw myself in the wash and do that right now. I'm kinda overit. Yesterday was genius. More later.

Dernier Soir

Last night Ceci's party was a tremendous success.

Beautiful apartment with a beautiful view and beautiful C, all the guests were C types, the cook the thief the wife and his lover... Chef J who she's been telling me about forever I finally met, he made the dinner and it was all kinds of incredible, I mean he went all out with like 8 huge pots of stewed amazing, there were gnarly margaritas I pretended to drink, Chef's boyfriend Alonzo, another girl who I vaguely remembered from the ballet company with C, and this girl who came in and spoke French and knew all these people I used to work with when I was in the old band cuz we had this minor hit there.... She told me she just bought a stage piano keyboard (kurzweiler=drool city) and she cant play, but its always been a dream of hers too, so I said I'd give her lessons and told her about my show...

We were sitting outside on C's amazing patio with the view drinking the wine she brought (thank god cuz I couldnt, with those margaritas, man) when I noticed this just STUNNING, I mean fucking dropdead 11 out of 10 girl looking at me inside so we went over and she and her friend were French too... so the French contingent hung there at the table in the corner and I was talking to the girl and she looked so familiar and finally I realized she's R.O. this actress that I f'in SWEAT, whose first big movie I saw with JayGray years ago when we were dating, and was like holy demon balls that girl is fucking SOMETHING... and we hit it off like BAM and she's kind of standoffish seeming and kind of a ballbuster but I like my balls busted, she kept correcting my French, like every grammatical error, it was so cute, I was like R youre gonna wear yourself out, she's like no you're like 90% i'm just making it 100, if you were any lower I wouldnt bother, so we were really getting along and she was just trained on me all night, and me on her, obviously (but not a Sappho) situation, so we all exchanged info and Naima the one with the Kurz invited me over to see her place and hang and mess around on the Kurz and she's gonna let me use it on Friday night AND theyre all coming

So I'm stoked right now.