SOLID.

Okay well Bathwater didn't post another Truth exercise so I'm off the hook.

I talk to P for like 4 hours a day. We're just laughing about how we're shut up in our rooms for months and people think we're flaky and out spending time with other people and neglecting them and get hurt and just don't understand, don't get it, the staying in and writing artist shit. "Friday night, in the crib..." he said. Yup.

I'm really just blown away by C and I sent P (too lazy to come up with names right now hahaha) just this electronic arrangement and me just laying down the piano and vocals for reference recording we just did, and he's freaking out over it, and I sent it to one other person and he FREAKED over it, and I'm freaking over it, and C's freaking over it, and finally in my life I'm just like, Okay, okay, okay this is good... this is really good... I don't know what's gonna come of it, but it's kind of really exciting...

And the show with P is gonna be fucking GOOD... and that's kind of REALLY exciting... and I'm realizing... I have NOT been doing nothing. Holed up in here? Yes. Losing touch with some friends? Unfortunately yes. Fantasizing about J and having no personal life besides? Yup. But I just... just realize... this is some... real shit... for lack of a better expression. And I did not waste a year. NOTHING was a waste. I'm talking about with P, he's a writer (and director and producer and business genius and yeah, workaholic, artist) and he tells me he does the same thing, and I NO LONGER feel bad about it, or like a waste, it's who I am, I'm an artist, I create, and this is the process, for me.

And it might at the expense of a lot of other things. But. What are ya gonna do?

And we talked about also, real friendship. And it's people that get you. That get THAT. Aren't offended by it. Listen. Cut to the chase. And don't judge. Don't judge. Never, ever judge.

ohmyGOOOOOOOOOD

ohmygod C [producer] is a god
ohmygod C is a god
ohmygod C is a god
:::::BOWS:::::


I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW FUCKING GOOD IT SOUNDS

High Holy Days

i slept all day
woke up with distaste
and i railed and i raved

i have to get my oil changed
i have to get my wiper fixed
i have to get my right headlight fixed

my drugdealer boyfriend is gonna buy me the bulb
my neighbors a mechanic

i need to get on these things

and i havent gone to work in a hot minute

i finally got that 1000 refund i was waiting for, so i didnt feel i had to
but now i have all these expenses coming in. so i better slip on my thong and my white booty shorts and the the open lace slip and the 8 inch shows and get on in there like vinnie said.

one thing since stopping seeing julian is im not spending all that. even though he was charging me criminally low fees it did add up at the end of the month, 2x a week and all that.

i went out with the frenchies last night and now one of them wants me to be the muse for his film.

so does this other guy i met.

and of course the one guy i really know.

and then of course i have my muse.

whom i'm seeing this week.

there is some high holy day going on this week. it's a new year. it'll be my new year too.

everything will be great.

everything will be just amazing.