More Weird Writing and Magic Stuff...

I wrote A------ the author I love who I met a little while ago at the reading just now. Cuz it's his book that made my life go like it did. The one of his I read about, well it was this totally similar situation to what I've been going through.

At the reading he told me he'd considered different endings... So I just wrote him to see if he still has them if he could send me one cuz my life needs to imitate it... So's he said he's gonna look for them though they're not good, which is why he didn't choose them, and I said I know the shape he chose was the most beautiful and it might be the most beautiful lifeshape for me too but there are some differences that change some things... but yeah... hopefully he can help me.

Writing as changing the course...

Writing as magic... as the power to manifest destiny.

I've had some great suggestions from many of you to make this into a book, and one offered the added bonus that I can have it end how I like. And I've realized, that everything I wrote became something real, and everything real became something I wrote, and that, I've always been able to MANIFEST... when I dream of things happening they do... that's how I've done all this stuff... but I'm not... I'm a mess and I'm spacey and flighty and have in the past wanted some pretty dark things, and to be in some pretty bad situations, and with the good things I only wanted a taste... not to follow through and do the work... so... you know it doesn't become... but... that's the thing...

The wise thing to do right now, would be to write this blog, as if it's really happening, but to write what I want to happen instead. And then it will. Then I'll do it.

I just... I don't know what I want... I don't like to plan and... I don't know if it's the right time-- as I'm composing this symphony, for triumphant horns, cymbals, strings, for clearly the last movement, or for the diminuendo, the flutes, the quiet, relaxing pastoral movement.

So I just don't know???