Go Go Gadget

Yes I'm a bit overworked... A lot overworked... But actually.

I'm really good. Logging in studio hours. Trudging through schoolwork by Julian's playground (and sometimes at the studio too)...

There's no way to talk about art. Talking about art is like dancing about architecture. And that's been my life lately, so, I find it hard to write... Also the fact that all my creative energy is going to these two outlets, I mean all of it, so that's another factor.

But, yes, good. And, as far as the club, well, I gotta go, and Vinnie called me last night when me and Emmy were at dinner, so it's kinda perfect timing. I heard it got revamped and they changed owners again and got rid of the pool table (THANK GOD) so it might be kinda cool. And, I KINDA miss it. Dancing. Not the rest of it. But it's been so long I can deal with it. I'll probably go in Tuesday night cuz I got class til 9 30 tomorrow.

The haunted hayride and carnival were amazing last night. We had so much fun. Perfect full moon and misty night and the middle of that beautiful forest. Reminded us of home.

I've been cooking pretty much all the time and eating a lot but for some reason getting skinny. I think it's cuz I'm cooking so it's real fucking food and my horse metabolism just kills it. I don't like being too skinny especially for the club... but I'm not really... And I feel better.

So yes.

Miss you all dear readers and sorry for not reading. Will soon. Promise.

XO
S-O

SOLID.

Okay well Bathwater didn't post another Truth exercise so I'm off the hook.

I talk to P for like 4 hours a day. We're just laughing about how we're shut up in our rooms for months and people think we're flaky and out spending time with other people and neglecting them and get hurt and just don't understand, don't get it, the staying in and writing artist shit. "Friday night, in the crib..." he said. Yup.

I'm really just blown away by C and I sent P (too lazy to come up with names right now hahaha) just this electronic arrangement and me just laying down the piano and vocals for reference recording we just did, and he's freaking out over it, and I sent it to one other person and he FREAKED over it, and I'm freaking over it, and C's freaking over it, and finally in my life I'm just like, Okay, okay, okay this is good... this is really good... I don't know what's gonna come of it, but it's kind of really exciting...

And the show with P is gonna be fucking GOOD... and that's kind of REALLY exciting... and I'm realizing... I have NOT been doing nothing. Holed up in here? Yes. Losing touch with some friends? Unfortunately yes. Fantasizing about J and having no personal life besides? Yup. But I just... just realize... this is some... real shit... for lack of a better expression. And I did not waste a year. NOTHING was a waste. I'm talking about with P, he's a writer (and director and producer and business genius and yeah, workaholic, artist) and he tells me he does the same thing, and I NO LONGER feel bad about it, or like a waste, it's who I am, I'm an artist, I create, and this is the process, for me.

And it might at the expense of a lot of other things. But. What are ya gonna do?

And we talked about also, real friendship. And it's people that get you. That get THAT. Aren't offended by it. Listen. Cut to the chase. And don't judge. Don't judge. Never, ever judge.

i'm fine now.

JB's phonecall last night sorta set me straight

I'm BUSY. I'm busy with people taking photos of me... and trying to book shows... cleaning up my messes... trying to keep friends... reading my bible (Infinite Jest)... planning to go to the club... wandering around, just a little, in places where Julian goes, even though he's not here, maybe it's symbolic of my desire for unrequite... being rather unbright... collecting.

i've given up on magic sometime back

it doesn't seem to work for me

biweekly my sexual needs get taken care of, by P and all... i have to say, he does a damn fine job, i'm not even always fantasizing about Jul anymore, cuz it's really good, it's making me like him, cuz he just tells me what to do. he's married as well. patterns. patterns shapes and forms.

Naima's back on the team. we're about to go on nighthike where julian told me to go.

he kept saying, I go there sometimes and its really nice and that little coffee place there is really good too,

and then he also kept saying, Well, I've never been personally--

and then out of thin air he told me he didn't have a Facebook account. I said Jul you are all over the place-- under my breath-- he said, what? he blushed because it was the first time I called him Jul-- I said Nothing, and he said No no what did you-- No really, never mind, it was bullshit-- Okay, fine. --Okay, cool. I laughed.

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The gay couple next door to me are the BOMB. now its me and them against the stupid building. the stupid building tried to get me to pay for the damage caused by some leaky old pipes. they said it was because my toilet was broken and kept running water all the time.

i said how in the name of god was i supposed to know, let alone be responsible for this garbage?

they said It was your responsibility to report it.

I said, but I didn't know about it.

They said, well, but you were supposed to report it.

I said, SIGH.

I said, I'm not a plumber and the pipes are rotten and that's not my responsibility Alberto.

He said The pipes aren't rotten.

I thought, he hasn't checked the goddamn pipes. I said Whatever. I'm not paying this.

Then I knocked on Mike and Matt's door and went in there and ranted about the stupidity of this whole thing, and they told me that the fat lards downstairs said their floor caved in. And I said how could the water cave a floor in? And Matt said in a stage whisper-- Theyre REALLY heavy. And then they told me that the goddamn pipes were so broken in THEIR apartment the main broke 3 times. And that I should write the fuckers a letter and that they would sign their names on it. Then Mike gave me some xanax to chill out and told me not to tell Matt though. And then we went to Subway.

Beautiful calm driving.

P called me while I was at work, I finally just got myself to GO.

I've been a mess this month, is what it is. I've been a complete and utter mess, and it's been an inopportune time to be sloppy, but... All's rather fair in love and war.

What happened is I let my finances go, I haven't even looked at my bank statements in a month... I've hardly gone to work... I racked up over $500 in parking tickets- well, no, a lot more than that- over the last several months and just procrastinated paying them because I thought they were fixer tickets, but I procrastinated fixing too, getting my registration taken care of, and all that, and I really never think about money but now and then I end up in this place. Like. Oh god. Oh, my god. How will I pay my bills.

So that's where I'm at.

But no more. No more drinking. No more Vicodin. No more procrastinating sloppy-assedness. School is over but I have these two exams, and I'm gonna study, and I'm gonna do my remaining work, and I'm gonna go to work as many nights as I can, and go to open mics with Cam, and play again, and do this movie, and pay my bills, and get a desk. And Jo's gonna come with me so I do it, and we're gonna go to this damn wedding. And I'm gonna do my movie.

I'm gonna do it.

I went to work tonight, finally, and it was cool, no big money but it was fine, I met a cool artist there... and then P called me so I went over to see him and mess around a little and asked if he could help me out with rent again and he's going to.

And when I was driving there, listening to the mix that I made for Julian, in my stripper clothes under a sweatshirt, onto highways unknown, and the moon was so bright, and there were so many clouds, and it was finally warm... I felt it again... I felt free.