Catch-up and a Response.

So Thursday night I went to work, and yesterday I went to see Julian... yeah, and then I went straight from their to E's open mic place, and I played, and felt I tanked and I talked to E for a bit, he's become a friend now, ironically... And then the guy who owns the place was there and ran out and said "Hey, you, I have a slot open tomorrow night for an hour long set... Do you want it?" So I'm playing tonight... an hour... That's like my entire repertoire... That's like 10 songs or more... I haven't played most of them in ages... I have to practice all day and write down notes and NOT be nervous.... Well no one can be nervous for an hour. I think it'll be good for me. I'm almost considering telling people. I want to go to work tonight too so I'll have to go right after. It'll be a long day.

So first...

I want to respond to KS- I know where you're going with that question... Don't think I haven't considered... My belief system is an intense, ever-shifting, often-painful, love-hate relationship with one, then another, then none at all, then a few... much like my other relationships, which are getting less tumultuous and deeper as I grow up, which is a good thing, but for now... Well I'd like to go into it... but another time... Just to say, my apparent lack of faith is not for lack of interest, or consideration... I don't live the unexamined life... and when I'm hanging on the edge I look out... and sometimes I feel... Anyway...

I'm going to continue this in separate posts... I think that would be wise...

Some real serious sh-t...

First thing I did when I walked in the door just now was turn the damn piano off.

I just spent 5 hours in the studio with Kosta recording my songs... He's a pretty serious producer, jazz musician, and just cool and laid-back, and older, not like the guys I've worked with before who just wanna sleep with me or make quick money that they'll never make because their stuff is bland and boring and trying to be of-the-minute, always one step behind. Kosta was watching me play (on his RHODES.AMAZING.) and was like, "You're getting into some real serious shit." Hahaha. He asked me to do the vocals and piano separately which I've never done, and I had to redo the piano a bunch of times because I don't even know what I'm playing and it's different every time, and he tried playing a few bars just fixing it up for the track, and I showed him what I was actually playing and he was like, "Huh. Yeah. That makes a real hammering sound, you have all these classical elements, yeah, this is some different shit. This is good." And I was like, "That's good to hear cuz I don't show it around a lot and I can never tell if it's just totally off-the-wall or what..." And he was like, "It is. It's great." OK, let me just nerd out for a sec here... As far as having classical elements, there is this piece I've been listening to, it's called "Das Buch der Klange" (Book of Sounds) by this modern German composer Hans Otte, and it sounds like the voice of God and the heavens and the stars. It's seemingly simple piano, just gradually changing repetitive chords, but it's really hard to play and I kinda stole that style of twinkle. Ineffectual Snob-man Scott showed it to me, along with some other pretty things. He's pretty himself. But ew. Anyway.

Ahhhhh. Sorry about the boring music talk. I'm so hungry. I'm SO.HUNGRY. I'm seeing Julian in 10 hours. :-) I ordered a book he talked about and just got it delivered today, and I'm reading it, but I don't know if I'm gonna tell him... It's by a famous shrink and it's stories from therapy.. I have a feeling it might go into some no-no territory about being attracted to a patient and what a no-no that is. So I'm gonna finish it first.

WHY does rice ALWAYS stick to the bottom of the pan and burn??

I need a maid.

No me importa que sera....

I just LOVE. I LOVE. I love Julian Darcy and it really doesn't matter what happens because he is beautiful, a beautiful spirit. And I love, purely, and wholly, really.



I'm giving my friend Joanna from the club piano lessons. Woot! :-) She's so beautiful and kind of enigmatic, I'm stoked. She's the only girl from the club I'd ever want to hang out with honestly, just her depth... Like Julian said today, emotional depth of field... I further regret my kangaroo keyboard-- of all things with which to be CHEAP. That, and oh my dancing shoes!!! I was discussing this with another girl last night... Being DIRT CHEAP with our dancing shoes and clothes when that's how we make our money, and I mean, for real, it's ridiculous, my shoes are PRETTY MUCH broken now, and they were cheap POS to begin with. Well, I'll splurge a whopping 50 bucks on a new pair and they'll feel great. Ahhh today was sloshy cold rain again and I wore flip flops cuz I really just loathe shoes, especially after last night, and I came into Julian's (after drying my feet in the bathroom though) and he was kind of stern-ish, the first few minutes, he is sometimes, I love that, that he's moody, not like mood-swingy obviously, but that he has different moods and he doesn't hide them. He's not fake. Some days he's just really cheerful and some days he's not, like a real person. There are so few people, especially people you work with on some level, that are just real and don't give the same face everyday... Anyway I apologized for my feet. He was like, why? I said cuz they're all wet in flip flops. He said, Oh, doesn't matter.