Going nowhere.

Right now I think I have to just end it. Maybe he doesn't want me to leave and it will really hurt him, and hey, maybe it's just in my head. Nope. Not if it's bad. Bad things are never just in my head.

I don't want to be cruel. But he can't give me anything. Not as a therapist anymore. Not as a man... And it's not going to be the same. I'm not going to be happy to see him. He's going to have his baby and he'll be stressed out and overit. We're not going to have fun conversations and jokes, and flirting now... So he wouldn't want me there either.

Because honestly? There's nothing left to say.

It was like an affair. And one thing's the same about all affairs. They can't go anywhere.

Not undermining how he's helped me, saved me from drowning, given me so much light and inspiration and I guess... I don't want to think about it now.

I'm numb.

Scarlet off the couch.