So tonight was the night of legend of making jack-shit.
There was no one in there except my regular who writes on the show and whose wife texted me pretending to be him, and who maybe reads this blog, and who doesn't tip except a bunch of singles when you're onstage, which is more than anyone else was doing tonight.
It was literally dead.
I was thinking about going, and when Vinnie called me, I decided to go, so that at least, with my comings and goings, at least I could be reliable in that way, as on-call... But after a few hours I decided I had to get out of there and he told me to go ahead and not to worry about the house fee. He let me go out the back too so the reg wouldn't see me leaving cuz he seemed to think I wanted to leave with him and his friend and hang out. They're writers. " ". And the thing is they're not witty or smart at all.
I talked with Summer a lot, the only girl who speaks to me, the only girl with whom I'd like to speak, the only other girl who comes and goes like me... She's awesome, she's smart, she used to be a really big agency model and date a really famous genius tv writer, and she's usually always joking and chipper and sometimes rues about where life's taken her. We think alike.
Me and Cam made up. I called to apologize and say I was in meltdown mode, and he said he was only being dickish because he wants to travel too, but we shouldn't go until our work takes us there...
He's half-right. I mean if the trip had been better planned, I totally could've done it. Whether he'd have considered that enough "paying my dues" or not. I've been all over the world, sometimes work took me there, other times, men. Sometimes, just my own saving up because it was what was important.
Anyway. Now that I'm not going it's all cool.
I'm glad though.
This thing with Elena, I mean, I still love her, but, she has so much pride I don't know how she'll be, and even more prideful if she feels guilty, and she feels guilty all the time. I never feel guilty. It's a useless emotion. But anyway. Not good to be fighting with two friends at once... Means you're definitely doing something wrong.
So it's still only midnight and I'm home, and I made a couple bucks for cigarettes and food, which I don't know if I should get cuz I ate like a straight PIG yesterday and the day before. But anyway. That's thirty bucks I wouldn'tve had if I stayed home.
Showing posts with label cam. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cam. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
Cam and a bad Joke
i am not fucking going to work tonight.
nope.
i am not going to talk to anyone, because i tried that today, and it wasnt working out too well.
i ran into one of the producers of my movie in the fedex, where i was chipping away at the infernal occupation of preparing for my trip, and it took me like 5 minutes to figure it out and then another 2 to be simpatichnaya. and then i total Cam to go eat a bag of dicks, for no good reason. not for NO reason, but not a really good one. he just suggested going to the beach and then asked if we could 'take [my] ride' and last week after working on his stupid audition scene, he asked me to get him cigarettes, on the way.... i'm like... what the blue moon???
so that was today. ironically. i had more than half a mind to drive to the beach by myself, in my Ride, but to take the Blue Oyster, who's worth about $80 in scrap metal (i just crossed myself. i love the Blue Oyster and am extremely grateful for everything he's done but for the grace of god) when Cam has like, well, I dunno it's really low-to-the-ground and kind of clausterphobic, honestly it gives me the screamin Meemies, but at least, a normal car, is just out of the question, besides which he was asking deliberately to be like I'm not paying for your Shit, cuz I'm a Modern Duder, and you are not even sleeping with me. it's just seven layers of retarded, and i cant.
so,
here's a really bad Armotrash joke for y'all... or rather, a pearl of wisdom, in the standard vaudevillian totally like Capone meets Catskills three-part bait-and-switch construction. as told, with flawless timing, to Y.T. by mobsterpunk Meathead #1:
what's the difference between a russia girl and a french girl?
please, enlighten.
if a guy meets a russian girl on the street, and says to her, to hook up with her, oh, lets go have some drinks blablabla, she says, oh, no, i cant, i have to meet my mother, this, and then eventually she says, ok.
so they go for drinks, blabla, and then he tells her oh, lets for disco. so she says oh, no, i cant, its late, i have in the morning things to do, so he says oh come on so finally she says ok, ok, we go.
so they go to disco, so then he says oh why not you come to sleep at my place, so she says, oh, no, i cant, no, no, but eventually she say ok.
ok?
ok.
so a french girl, a guy meets on the street and wants to hook up to her, and says oh come on we'll get some drinks, so she says, sure why not?
so they go and have some drinks and he says, how about we go have disco and so the french girl says yeah sure ok!
so then after disco he says how now about you come to sleep at my house, and she says yeah, great!
ok?
O-kay.
so then in the morning, when they wake up, the french girl packs up all her things in her bag and says ok now im going, bye!
and the russian girl says in the morning, oh, just wait and i go to my mother house and take my things in my bag and i come right back!
DA-DAM CHING
nope.
i am not going to talk to anyone, because i tried that today, and it wasnt working out too well.
i ran into one of the producers of my movie in the fedex, where i was chipping away at the infernal occupation of preparing for my trip, and it took me like 5 minutes to figure it out and then another 2 to be simpatichnaya. and then i total Cam to go eat a bag of dicks, for no good reason. not for NO reason, but not a really good one. he just suggested going to the beach and then asked if we could 'take [my] ride' and last week after working on his stupid audition scene, he asked me to get him cigarettes, on the way.... i'm like... what the blue moon???
so that was today. ironically. i had more than half a mind to drive to the beach by myself, in my Ride, but to take the Blue Oyster, who's worth about $80 in scrap metal (i just crossed myself. i love the Blue Oyster and am extremely grateful for everything he's done but for the grace of god) when Cam has like, well, I dunno it's really low-to-the-ground and kind of clausterphobic, honestly it gives me the screamin Meemies, but at least, a normal car, is just out of the question, besides which he was asking deliberately to be like I'm not paying for your Shit, cuz I'm a Modern Duder, and you are not even sleeping with me. it's just seven layers of retarded, and i cant.
so,
here's a really bad Armotrash joke for y'all... or rather, a pearl of wisdom, in the standard vaudevillian totally like Capone meets Catskills three-part bait-and-switch construction. as told, with flawless timing, to Y.T. by mobsterpunk Meathead #1:
what's the difference between a russia girl and a french girl?
please, enlighten.
if a guy meets a russian girl on the street, and says to her, to hook up with her, oh, lets go have some drinks blablabla, she says, oh, no, i cant, i have to meet my mother, this, and then eventually she says, ok.
so they go for drinks, blabla, and then he tells her oh, lets for disco. so she says oh, no, i cant, its late, i have in the morning things to do, so he says oh come on so finally she says ok, ok, we go.
so they go to disco, so then he says oh why not you come to sleep at my place, so she says, oh, no, i cant, no, no, but eventually she say ok.
ok?
ok.
so a french girl, a guy meets on the street and wants to hook up to her, and says oh come on we'll get some drinks, so she says, sure why not?
so they go and have some drinks and he says, how about we go have disco and so the french girl says yeah sure ok!
so then after disco he says how now about you come to sleep at my house, and she says yeah, great!
ok?
O-kay.
so then in the morning, when they wake up, the french girl packs up all her things in her bag and says ok now im going, bye!
and the russian girl says in the morning, oh, just wait and i go to my mother house and take my things in my bag and i come right back!
DA-DAM CHING
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Interior Decorating
I am one tired lady. I tried to go to bed earlyish last night but it was tough... I don't even know when I got to sleep but I kept waking up... Then I woke up at 8 and went for a run. I totally cleaned and also rearranged my furniture and the doma looks so much better and feels so much more comfortable. Jesus. That feng shui musta been pretty off.
But now I'm so tired. I wanna take a nap. I'm meeting Sunny at 7 for dinner. I can't afford dinner though. I'll probably get coffee. Or a soup. And then, of course, work.
I hung out with Cam last night. We did his scene thing again. He's real attractive. And sweet. We're gonna go to the beach tomorrow, and the Gogol Bordello show. And he hasn't like, kissed me or anything yet. (I mean we've slept with each other and kinda dated like a year and a half ago but I mean now...) And he always almost does and walks me home and then says good bye. And I really like it. And obviously we flirt a lot and he's always trying to impress me and over the three times we hung out gotten more touchy and stuff. And you know. I know he likes me.
But this makes me think. Maybe none of these people like me. Maybe they're just flirting with me to be flirty.
I mean... Cam really liked me before... the last time... and men have fallen all over me, been crushed, made fools of themselves, poured their hearts out for the first time ever, and proposed, with diamond rings, introduced me to family, etc, etc, always. Hot shot lawyers, millionaires, rockstars, nice boys from Idaho, married, single, young, old, mobsters, Christians, all nationalities. And all the guys I meet in the club. And at the shows.
But... maybe, some of it is just all in my head... I mean... I need a mirror... all the time... I see myself in photos and I feel like that person is beautiful but it's not me... Or onscreen... and I always feel like I just don't look like that anymore... I only feel pretty when I'm seeing myself onscreen or in a mirror at the club or when people are watching me and telling me I'm pretty. I'm like... It's not even that important, because I just don't care anymore. But it's important because... it really makes me wonder if I'm just delusional all the time. If the club and the pictures made me think, or the particular men, and I'm not anything attractive or anything anyone would wanna be with. I damn sure don't feel pretty right now. I don't have any nice clothes AT ALL. NOTHING.
But. now that I've moved the bed, the breeze and the sunlight coming through the window are caressing my body and there's nothing more beautiful than that...
But now I'm so tired. I wanna take a nap. I'm meeting Sunny at 7 for dinner. I can't afford dinner though. I'll probably get coffee. Or a soup. And then, of course, work.
I hung out with Cam last night. We did his scene thing again. He's real attractive. And sweet. We're gonna go to the beach tomorrow, and the Gogol Bordello show. And he hasn't like, kissed me or anything yet. (I mean we've slept with each other and kinda dated like a year and a half ago but I mean now...) And he always almost does and walks me home and then says good bye. And I really like it. And obviously we flirt a lot and he's always trying to impress me and over the three times we hung out gotten more touchy and stuff. And you know. I know he likes me.
But this makes me think. Maybe none of these people like me. Maybe they're just flirting with me to be flirty.
I mean... Cam really liked me before... the last time... and men have fallen all over me, been crushed, made fools of themselves, poured their hearts out for the first time ever, and proposed, with diamond rings, introduced me to family, etc, etc, always. Hot shot lawyers, millionaires, rockstars, nice boys from Idaho, married, single, young, old, mobsters, Christians, all nationalities. And all the guys I meet in the club. And at the shows.
But... maybe, some of it is just all in my head... I mean... I need a mirror... all the time... I see myself in photos and I feel like that person is beautiful but it's not me... Or onscreen... and I always feel like I just don't look like that anymore... I only feel pretty when I'm seeing myself onscreen or in a mirror at the club or when people are watching me and telling me I'm pretty. I'm like... It's not even that important, because I just don't care anymore. But it's important because... it really makes me wonder if I'm just delusional all the time. If the club and the pictures made me think, or the particular men, and I'm not anything attractive or anything anyone would wanna be with. I damn sure don't feel pretty right now. I don't have any nice clothes AT ALL. NOTHING.
But. now that I've moved the bed, the breeze and the sunlight coming through the window are caressing my body and there's nothing more beautiful than that...
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Sober, Somber, Steel
cam is hot. he's really hot. his eyes are huge his eyelashes are incredibly long and curly and he's just super sexy hot. he's tall and model-y but not vain and retarded; he's intelligent and curious about the world, and very sincere and the young little boys just love so much more openly. he has good taste in music. he made me a mix cd tonight.
sometimes his jokes are awkward and i have to pretend to laugh at them. and he doesn't... KNOW... a lot... like, in experience, and my references, he doesn't get my references, he doesn't ask me any questions, which isn't always bad, he is interested in me, and he really respects me, and likes me; he thinks he knows, he infers, but he has no idea. no clue. you know?
but so what.
it's not like he says dumb things, or even really wrong things, or like i have to dumb myself down, and a lot of his opinions are educated, and intelligent and observant, it's just like there are universes he's not even aware of.
but so what.
today i got up... not early... i let myself get some sleep... and me and jo went to macy's to return that crap my neighbor got me. this was like a big thing on my to-do list. i don't think i've ever returned anything in my life. it's just such a pain in the ass. i wanted to go the dmv and the parking place but it's memorial day so it was all closed, but we are going to do it tomorrow, we are, and it will be a huge weight off my shoulders. god, i really- well i'm not gonna beat myself up. basically fear of mortality or something. kept me from taking care of that.
and we worked on some school stuff. obviously not near as much as i need. and then i went home and i talked to carly this old childhood friend and she called me because her sister went through this awful thing, and she's been having this premonition dreams... and carly remembered when we were like 13, 14, and i used to have them, she said "i remember how you used to tell me this stuff, your dreams, and then we'd run into people, from your dreams, and all these things would happen... i didn't know what to say to her about them, but i told her you used to have them, and maybe she should talk to you..." and we talked for like an hour. and then i went to cam's and we're gonna do this show at the galapagos. and it was fun hanging out, and sexy, and his roommates came back and were like sitting around just watching us talk.
his roommate though is now sleeping in the living room because there's like, two other people staying in their little place- cam always ends up living in the clubhouse, like he did on that tv show- so his roommate wanted to go to sleep so i didn't want to stay and cam burned me the cd in silence. i picked up this book they had there, body language for dummies or something, and i flipped through it. it made me think of julian.
seeing him on friday like that. like, sometimes, when we've had these encounters, i get myself trashed and sit at home fantasizing and obsessing, but after friday, it's been opposite. i've been motivated. to take care of myself for a change. to ask friends for help. and go to work, and be around people, and get my shit done. maybe it's just that enough is enough and i can't anymore, because if i do, i will literally end up on the street or in a nuthouse or just blowing everything and while i often cut out before things get too intense, too good, before i finish anything or really GO anywhere with it... i also don't just let myself go, ever. i don't just fuck everything up. i don't let myself get dicked around. i'm not going to anymore. if that's what's going on. it's not happening anymore. i don't care, what it means.
i have to write a FIVE page psychology paper by tomorrow at seven. i don't know how i'll do it. i asked cam if he would and he said he would and i think he totally would but it's so stupid and specific for this class i'd be doing it with him, but, maybe that's what i should do, because there are certain things i can't do unless someone is there plodding me along.
but it's NOT that i lack discipline. because there's nobody, telling me what to do, in life, i don't have to answer to anyone, and i haven't, for so long. for like.. ten years.. since i was a CHILD.. and.. i need someone plodding me along sometimes, but i have to recognize that i need someone plodding me along, and when, and how much, and i have to find someone who's willing, and i have to ask them. and to do it. and not because there are any consequences. because when you ask someone, they're doing it as a favor, and if you tell them "oh nah i'm not gonna today" they're not gonna do anything, except probably stop asking and never do it again... so it's like... i still have to make myself do it. i just need to ask someone to be there.
and none of it's easy.
i'm tired and can't sleep, and i feel like crying, i can't eat, i don't feel like smoking a cigarette or drinking. i should write this paper but i'm so tired and i've been so tired all day and... well.. i'll do what i gotta do.
d
sometimes his jokes are awkward and i have to pretend to laugh at them. and he doesn't... KNOW... a lot... like, in experience, and my references, he doesn't get my references, he doesn't ask me any questions, which isn't always bad, he is interested in me, and he really respects me, and likes me; he thinks he knows, he infers, but he has no idea. no clue. you know?
but so what.
it's not like he says dumb things, or even really wrong things, or like i have to dumb myself down, and a lot of his opinions are educated, and intelligent and observant, it's just like there are universes he's not even aware of.
but so what.
today i got up... not early... i let myself get some sleep... and me and jo went to macy's to return that crap my neighbor got me. this was like a big thing on my to-do list. i don't think i've ever returned anything in my life. it's just such a pain in the ass. i wanted to go the dmv and the parking place but it's memorial day so it was all closed, but we are going to do it tomorrow, we are, and it will be a huge weight off my shoulders. god, i really- well i'm not gonna beat myself up. basically fear of mortality or something. kept me from taking care of that.
and we worked on some school stuff. obviously not near as much as i need. and then i went home and i talked to carly this old childhood friend and she called me because her sister went through this awful thing, and she's been having this premonition dreams... and carly remembered when we were like 13, 14, and i used to have them, she said "i remember how you used to tell me this stuff, your dreams, and then we'd run into people, from your dreams, and all these things would happen... i didn't know what to say to her about them, but i told her you used to have them, and maybe she should talk to you..." and we talked for like an hour. and then i went to cam's and we're gonna do this show at the galapagos. and it was fun hanging out, and sexy, and his roommates came back and were like sitting around just watching us talk.
his roommate though is now sleeping in the living room because there's like, two other people staying in their little place- cam always ends up living in the clubhouse, like he did on that tv show- so his roommate wanted to go to sleep so i didn't want to stay and cam burned me the cd in silence. i picked up this book they had there, body language for dummies or something, and i flipped through it. it made me think of julian.
seeing him on friday like that. like, sometimes, when we've had these encounters, i get myself trashed and sit at home fantasizing and obsessing, but after friday, it's been opposite. i've been motivated. to take care of myself for a change. to ask friends for help. and go to work, and be around people, and get my shit done. maybe it's just that enough is enough and i can't anymore, because if i do, i will literally end up on the street or in a nuthouse or just blowing everything and while i often cut out before things get too intense, too good, before i finish anything or really GO anywhere with it... i also don't just let myself go, ever. i don't just fuck everything up. i don't let myself get dicked around. i'm not going to anymore. if that's what's going on. it's not happening anymore. i don't care, what it means.
i have to write a FIVE page psychology paper by tomorrow at seven. i don't know how i'll do it. i asked cam if he would and he said he would and i think he totally would but it's so stupid and specific for this class i'd be doing it with him, but, maybe that's what i should do, because there are certain things i can't do unless someone is there plodding me along.
but it's NOT that i lack discipline. because there's nobody, telling me what to do, in life, i don't have to answer to anyone, and i haven't, for so long. for like.. ten years.. since i was a CHILD.. and.. i need someone plodding me along sometimes, but i have to recognize that i need someone plodding me along, and when, and how much, and i have to find someone who's willing, and i have to ask them. and to do it. and not because there are any consequences. because when you ask someone, they're doing it as a favor, and if you tell them "oh nah i'm not gonna today" they're not gonna do anything, except probably stop asking and never do it again... so it's like... i still have to make myself do it. i just need to ask someone to be there.
and none of it's easy.
i'm tired and can't sleep, and i feel like crying, i can't eat, i don't feel like smoking a cigarette or drinking. i should write this paper but i'm so tired and i've been so tired all day and... well.. i'll do what i gotta do.
d
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Cam
I spent Thursday night with Cam...
He's so gorgeous, just a drop-deader, he's a model and he was on this tv show... When I go out with him everybody looks at us, and he's really sweet to me, he always has been, and he's funny too... I feel like he tries a little hard sometimes, and sometimes he doesn't know how to act and like, treat women, like when Elena was here, and I wanted her to meet him, cuz we were sort of kind of briefly dating, and he invited us to watch UFC at this sports bar with his friends... and she was totally like "Ugh, what kind of MAN was that, he didn't even buy me a DRINK, he sat over THERE, what WAS that?" and, I agree with her, but it's not THAT big of a deal, he's only 25... I NEVER date someone who's not even a couple years older than me, NEVER, but, I probably SHOULD. All the men I'm attracted to, that are way older than me, and I feel like, it's partly a maturity thing, but it's also just a physical thing, like, an AESTHETIC thing, like, it's also just FASHION-- are MARRIED. Cuz if they're not, by that age, they're usually a little weird... I mean there are tons of exceptions, but, often, that is often the case.
Cam's kind of in my scene, in my industry, and he's smart, he has a soul, just a weird way of expressing it sometimes, I mean it's just old asshole guy habits, but he's never an asshole to me.
He still calls me too, it's been more than a year and we've stayed friends, even though I've like flaked off and so has he... But he called me Thursday just out of the blue.
We had coffee, and talked about stuff, and I told him how no one ever sees my apartment, and he said Well you never invite me up, and I said Come up! And he said Ok I'm going to go write for a little bit... and I had to meet the director of this movie I'm doing... basically playing myself, haha... and then I called him and he brought over this crazy hot movie, and we watched it together on my little twin bed. I went to Bed Bath and Beyond before he came over too to get new sheets cuz mine were just old and gross... And then we went for a drink, and he was really hilarious talking about people at the bar... and we did the drunken thing where you meet some random woman and her gay friend from Spain and like exchange numbers and never talk to them... and then we got some gross little tacos from 7-11 and he walked me home...
He's so gorgeous, just a drop-deader, he's a model and he was on this tv show... When I go out with him everybody looks at us, and he's really sweet to me, he always has been, and he's funny too... I feel like he tries a little hard sometimes, and sometimes he doesn't know how to act and like, treat women, like when Elena was here, and I wanted her to meet him, cuz we were sort of kind of briefly dating, and he invited us to watch UFC at this sports bar with his friends... and she was totally like "Ugh, what kind of MAN was that, he didn't even buy me a DRINK, he sat over THERE, what WAS that?" and, I agree with her, but it's not THAT big of a deal, he's only 25... I NEVER date someone who's not even a couple years older than me, NEVER, but, I probably SHOULD. All the men I'm attracted to, that are way older than me, and I feel like, it's partly a maturity thing, but it's also just a physical thing, like, an AESTHETIC thing, like, it's also just FASHION-- are MARRIED. Cuz if they're not, by that age, they're usually a little weird... I mean there are tons of exceptions, but, often, that is often the case.
Cam's kind of in my scene, in my industry, and he's smart, he has a soul, just a weird way of expressing it sometimes, I mean it's just old asshole guy habits, but he's never an asshole to me.
He still calls me too, it's been more than a year and we've stayed friends, even though I've like flaked off and so has he... But he called me Thursday just out of the blue.
We had coffee, and talked about stuff, and I told him how no one ever sees my apartment, and he said Well you never invite me up, and I said Come up! And he said Ok I'm going to go write for a little bit... and I had to meet the director of this movie I'm doing... basically playing myself, haha... and then I called him and he brought over this crazy hot movie, and we watched it together on my little twin bed. I went to Bed Bath and Beyond before he came over too to get new sheets cuz mine were just old and gross... And then we went for a drink, and he was really hilarious talking about people at the bar... and we did the drunken thing where you meet some random woman and her gay friend from Spain and like exchange numbers and never talk to them... and then we got some gross little tacos from 7-11 and he walked me home...
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Wolf! Wolf! Wolf, wolf, wolf...
After some thought... or maybe just 12 hours of a gradual return to my heart's BPM, at four in the morning, I reali3ed: What the F. At the rate he's offering me, I can totally afford to pay once a week out-of-pocket. It's not even an issue. What the F. I was thinking like, I don't know what I was thinking. I'm sure he'll have some ideas... Though I don't know if he'll share them...
Of course before that revelation, after sitting in his office in shock-- ("Well, I'm going to give you some tests to show as further evidence, and another alarmingly worded letter, though they don't seem to respond to that, and, otherwise, we can work something out, I mean... I guess I'm avoiding the feelings brought on by this by suggesting ways around it...")-- I took the tests, and watched another patient enter his office... and went home and bawled, and wrote a few e-mails, all about how I knew this was going to happen, and maybe it meant something, and I'd been thinking about it, and I needed to talk to him before deciding anything... I called his office and he didn't call back... which is weird, and inconsiderate. I'd assume he was trying to get rid of me except that he told me he thinks I should be coming in twice, and is offering me a price like one third of what he would normally charge, and is going through some lengths to appeal these evil people. But then at 4 a.m. I just had a panic about not seeing him, and as I wrote him to please not change my time slots, I reali3ed that actually paying for the second session was not a big deal at ALL.
That's what I got. Last night I saw Cam, who I haven't seen in like 6 months either. I'd thought about him on Thursday, because the stupid teenage vampire romance novel I'm reading has a character whose description couldn't be anyone BUT Cam, among other things... And the next day, he wrote me, out of the blue. He's a model, and he was on this TV show, and now he's doing some music video and wants me to be in it. He picked me up after Psych (oh- to which I was late again- not even by much- like 10 minutes out of a 3 hour class, but of course during those 10 minutes he gave a qui3 that someone told me was worth half the exam. DUDE. If I get like 100's on the exams and don't get an A, I'll go on a killing spree... I don't care much about grades, hell, I'm 23 and just starting community college, but, F, I'm paying for it, and I need like a perfect GPA to transfer to the really good state school with a scholarship, should I actually continue with this school thing, though I'd have to change a lot to really do it, because at the rate of 2 classes a semester, it's going to take me 78 or 79 years to get there. Anyway.)- he was really late, but looked incredible as always, and we went to a bar, and he got me a couple drinks, and he was really nice and complimentary and sweet, as he always has been to me... Really like that character in the book, who is the ultra seductive teen foil to the protagonist chick and he fated true love-- i.e. Satan.
I sent Philip Stone* my music website. He responded first thing this morning and said he sent it out to some people he knows. I was tossing and turning all night and when I saw I had an e-mail at the time of morning I looked and I was so thoroughly stoked. He's AWESOME. And truly, the best writer around right now. Truly. I'm not the only one who thinks so... some huge lit publications have said so too... the best to have emerged in a decade, and stuff. So I'm really pretty stoked.
I slept through class today but I had to. I got back from drinks w Cam at like 2 30 despite my insistence that it was a schoolnight. I had a lot of fun though. He talks a LOT. But he's really gorgeous and his attention feels pretty good too.
*Obviously.
Of course before that revelation, after sitting in his office in shock-- ("Well, I'm going to give you some tests to show as further evidence, and another alarmingly worded letter, though they don't seem to respond to that, and, otherwise, we can work something out, I mean... I guess I'm avoiding the feelings brought on by this by suggesting ways around it...")-- I took the tests, and watched another patient enter his office... and went home and bawled, and wrote a few e-mails, all about how I knew this was going to happen, and maybe it meant something, and I'd been thinking about it, and I needed to talk to him before deciding anything... I called his office and he didn't call back... which is weird, and inconsiderate. I'd assume he was trying to get rid of me except that he told me he thinks I should be coming in twice, and is offering me a price like one third of what he would normally charge, and is going through some lengths to appeal these evil people. But then at 4 a.m. I just had a panic about not seeing him, and as I wrote him to please not change my time slots, I reali3ed that actually paying for the second session was not a big deal at ALL.
That's what I got. Last night I saw Cam, who I haven't seen in like 6 months either. I'd thought about him on Thursday, because the stupid teenage vampire romance novel I'm reading has a character whose description couldn't be anyone BUT Cam, among other things... And the next day, he wrote me, out of the blue. He's a model, and he was on this TV show, and now he's doing some music video and wants me to be in it. He picked me up after Psych (oh- to which I was late again- not even by much- like 10 minutes out of a 3 hour class, but of course during those 10 minutes he gave a qui3 that someone told me was worth half the exam. DUDE. If I get like 100's on the exams and don't get an A, I'll go on a killing spree... I don't care much about grades, hell, I'm 23 and just starting community college, but, F, I'm paying for it, and I need like a perfect GPA to transfer to the really good state school with a scholarship, should I actually continue with this school thing, though I'd have to change a lot to really do it, because at the rate of 2 classes a semester, it's going to take me 78 or 79 years to get there. Anyway.)- he was really late, but looked incredible as always, and we went to a bar, and he got me a couple drinks, and he was really nice and complimentary and sweet, as he always has been to me... Really like that character in the book, who is the ultra seductive teen foil to the protagonist chick and he fated true love-- i.e. Satan.
I sent Philip Stone* my music website. He responded first thing this morning and said he sent it out to some people he knows. I was tossing and turning all night and when I saw I had an e-mail at the time of morning I looked and I was so thoroughly stoked. He's AWESOME. And truly, the best writer around right now. Truly. I'm not the only one who thinks so... some huge lit publications have said so too... the best to have emerged in a decade, and stuff. So I'm really pretty stoked.
I slept through class today but I had to. I got back from drinks w Cam at like 2 30 despite my insistence that it was a schoolnight. I had a lot of fun though. He talks a LOT. But he's really gorgeous and his attention feels pretty good too.
*Obviously.
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