Dunnell Blake Woods to me
show details 7:28 AM (2 minutes ago)
Send me a few photos -- including some with that lovely ass (no pussy
shots) and perhaps showing some boobs.
They don't have to be naked but should be what you are currently about.
And give me some names to plus -- and I'll see if I can edit down
something for you.
What is your stage name -- or can I use your real name?
I will send you the proposed piece before I published it.
Showing posts with label disappointent. Show all posts
Showing posts with label disappointent. Show all posts
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
time to f'n split
my magical ex's kitty had ktrz.
that's one of 'em. looks like a real piglet. i wish i could see in person.
you know i'm thinking of moving back there.
you know i'm thinking it ain't working out here.
you know i'm thinking this has been one headtrip, timewarp, isolationtank, experiment... i've learned things and it's a dead end and there's naught but mirrored walls on every side, and i don't like my reflection in any of them. i can't make it out here.
thought myself the exception to the rule, accepting the fact that i ain't.
i can't afford this lifestyle. NO LOVE. NO LOVE. NO HELP. NO DIRECTION.
doggypaddling to keep afloat in a stagnant pool. not swimming to. not swimming from. tired already. cold. shivering. still, sick as a dog. and arguing with a sign that says "i'm a fucking idiot" all the livelong day. OUTTA HERE.
time to f'in split me-thinks. time to f'in split.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Going nowhere.
Right now I think I have to just end it. Maybe he doesn't want me to leave and it will really hurt him, and hey, maybe it's just in my head. Nope. Not if it's bad. Bad things are never just in my head.
I don't want to be cruel. But he can't give me anything. Not as a therapist anymore. Not as a man... And it's not going to be the same. I'm not going to be happy to see him. He's going to have his baby and he'll be stressed out and overit. We're not going to have fun conversations and jokes, and flirting now... So he wouldn't want me there either.
Because honestly? There's nothing left to say.
It was like an affair. And one thing's the same about all affairs. They can't go anywhere.
Not undermining how he's helped me, saved me from drowning, given me so much light and inspiration and I guess... I don't want to think about it now.
I'm numb.
Scarlet off the couch.
I don't want to be cruel. But he can't give me anything. Not as a therapist anymore. Not as a man... And it's not going to be the same. I'm not going to be happy to see him. He's going to have his baby and he'll be stressed out and overit. We're not going to have fun conversations and jokes, and flirting now... So he wouldn't want me there either.
Because honestly? There's nothing left to say.
It was like an affair. And one thing's the same about all affairs. They can't go anywhere.
Not undermining how he's helped me, saved me from drowning, given me so much light and inspiration and I guess... I don't want to think about it now.
I'm numb.
Scarlet off the couch.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Hey guess what? UGH
Yeah. Obviously. I'm not even gonna write about it now. But yeah. Obvious. Not gonna quit or stop going though... Yet...
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Act II
Maybe this is Act II of this drama, maybe finally, after being stuck on Act I of Scarlet on the Couch.
And it blows.
I don't think he likes me anymore, like that, I don't think it'll ever happen, I can't see it anymore, and it's raining, I can't see through the rain again, I think it's just therapist-patient now, for him, and consequently for me too, because in love there are no one-way streets. Maybe it's healthy, the way it's moved on, maybe he decided to take it there, and maybe it's a good thing, but I don't know, because right now I'm just so mad, and I'm crying, and I'm mad at him, and he knows it, and yeah, he got me emotional, but not for the right reasons, and no, it's not because I don't think he likes me anymore.
He interrupted me. He let me talk and talk and I don't think he was interested, and I wasn't particularly interested either, about my mom's death, and the aftermath, and then he interrupted me mid-sentence, because the time was out, and I burst into tears, and he said, What, what is it, and I said, I don't know it was just being stopped in the middle, and he said, I'm sorry, I should've said something sooner but I didn't want to interrupt, and he said, It felt like, it was easy for you to say a lot of that, and then there was this emotion, and it caught me off-guard, but I had to...
"Before I stopped?"
"Yes-"
"Really?"
"Yes,"
"What was it, what was I saying?"
"Something about your dad's wife?"
"His house, I said it was his house."
"Oh. What was the emotion?"
"No idea... Wasn't that boring?"
"...It's my job..."
WOW. "Heh." Burst sobbing again, a bit.
"We can take a minute... to wind down..."
"I feel self-conscious."
"Why do you feel self-conscious?"
"I don't know how long it'll take me to wind down..." Julian laughed.
I got up and walked to the door, as he asked, so all set for... I said, Thursday. No, not Thursday, he said, Friday, do you want me to give you a card? I probably have a card somewhere, I said and made another step to the door, and he was already scribbling it down on a card. He handed it to me. I looked at him for a sec, then walked out.
I opened the door myself.
And it blows.
I don't think he likes me anymore, like that, I don't think it'll ever happen, I can't see it anymore, and it's raining, I can't see through the rain again, I think it's just therapist-patient now, for him, and consequently for me too, because in love there are no one-way streets. Maybe it's healthy, the way it's moved on, maybe he decided to take it there, and maybe it's a good thing, but I don't know, because right now I'm just so mad, and I'm crying, and I'm mad at him, and he knows it, and yeah, he got me emotional, but not for the right reasons, and no, it's not because I don't think he likes me anymore.
He interrupted me. He let me talk and talk and I don't think he was interested, and I wasn't particularly interested either, about my mom's death, and the aftermath, and then he interrupted me mid-sentence, because the time was out, and I burst into tears, and he said, What, what is it, and I said, I don't know it was just being stopped in the middle, and he said, I'm sorry, I should've said something sooner but I didn't want to interrupt, and he said, It felt like, it was easy for you to say a lot of that, and then there was this emotion, and it caught me off-guard, but I had to...
"Before I stopped?"
"Yes-"
"Really?"
"Yes,"
"What was it, what was I saying?"
"Something about your dad's wife?"
"His house, I said it was his house."
"Oh. What was the emotion?"
"No idea... Wasn't that boring?"
"...It's my job..."
WOW. "Heh." Burst sobbing again, a bit.
"We can take a minute... to wind down..."
"I feel self-conscious."
"Why do you feel self-conscious?"
"I don't know how long it'll take me to wind down..." Julian laughed.
I got up and walked to the door, as he asked, so all set for... I said, Thursday. No, not Thursday, he said, Friday, do you want me to give you a card? I probably have a card somewhere, I said and made another step to the door, and he was already scribbling it down on a card. He handed it to me. I looked at him for a sec, then walked out.
I opened the door myself.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
A Knock on the Door
I'm not feelin' too hot today.
Exchange with Julian this morning, e-mailed me to set up next week's schedule in advance. I'd like to say that he's never done that before. He hasn't. But does that mean anything? Did any of any of this mean anything? I feel like a fool. I responded with a couple paragraphs of slick Joycean prose and glib gratitude for letting me know about my makeup. He's probably married. Fuck it all.
There was a knock on my door this afternoon... I hate that, had some bad experiences with stalkers and things... I wasn't dressed and looked through the peephole and it was a neighbor I've seen like twice who FB'd me. He had a Christmas card and he just slid it through the peephole when I opened it, smiling. He said "It's okay, I know it's a weird neighborhood... I just saw your FB post a while ago and wanted to know if you're doing better..." I was so moved...
Exchange with Julian this morning, e-mailed me to set up next week's schedule in advance. I'd like to say that he's never done that before. He hasn't. But does that mean anything? Did any of any of this mean anything? I feel like a fool. I responded with a couple paragraphs of slick Joycean prose and glib gratitude for letting me know about my makeup. He's probably married. Fuck it all.
There was a knock on my door this afternoon... I hate that, had some bad experiences with stalkers and things... I wasn't dressed and looked through the peephole and it was a neighbor I've seen like twice who FB'd me. He had a Christmas card and he just slid it through the peephole when I opened it, smiling. He said "It's okay, I know it's a weird neighborhood... I just saw your FB post a while ago and wanted to know if you're doing better..." I was so moved...
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