re: re: re: last post

thank you TK, you know I think you're the Second Coming. And thank you, Bathwater, you're all right, man. :-)

and beautiful Phoenix. You're amazing and, your words are so gorgeous and, I KNOW, I know, I do know what you mean, and I'm gonna come to Julian's and my defense once again and then drop it for good but-- he didn't lie to me-- he told me he was married cuz he is, he told me he didn't have feelings for me because he DIDN'T want to lead me on, he wanted to be there for me as a therapist and he DID help me in innumerable ways and, fuck, he is human too, and it's not true about never in any point in time-- there are actual code of ethics guidelines about dual relationships and it is permitted after a certain point, based on duration of therapy and a whole buncha other stuff, and furthermore, MAYBE just MAYBE our connection is special- more special than most people get to experience- and we're a pair of freaks- and I know it seems like cloudheaded hogwash because it usually is- but maybe we're SPECIAL.

but you're right- you're right- i shouldn't wait here, sad, heartbroke, melancholy doodling his name and thinking only of the almost Biblical image of kneeling down at his feet and taking his hand... sigh.. i AM not doing that. i am living. i am not just waiting. i am stepping out into the sun, and i am opening my arms to the stars-- and Phoenix-- i am watching them tonight.

so should you.

there is a meteor shower.

Perseid.

tonight.

love, to you all
miss scarlet

So the Sun will Rise and the Moon will Set

And you learn how to settle for what you get.
It'll all go on if we're here or not so who cares so what.

One thing I have to say- I lost a mean 10 lbs (not waterweight, straightup) off my already lithe frame, within the last 3 weeks.

Dr J has agreed that it'll already be a month since treatment ended on Friday. Since I hadn't seen him at all ("or even written me...") for about a month before.

Soooo what if you're all right, and he's a cad, or he said I was right that he loved me, just to make me it easier for me to leave.

So what.

I have a meeting with Playboy tomorrow. I don't know. I don't know about this stuff.