This is what I know.

Seeing J tomorrow. Have to burn rubber over there right after school. I'm gonna be mortified, but probably funny, he's gonna be compassionate, and explain to me more reasons why a therapist/patient relationship has to be different, it's different, it's one-sided, it can't... Yes.

That's what's going to happen.

And what do I want?

I want to keep seeing him. I want to drop it. The whole subject. He said he could see me getting past it. So I think I will. I think I'll love him, in that special way, that you love some people you never screw, and move on with my life, and find other people to screw.

I wanna tell him I get it already. And I really want to drop it. And talk about my show. And my day. And missing school. And past relationships, and how I can change them. I'm with ya, J, I'm two steps ahead of you.

Of course, this is what's going to happen, it couldn't happen any other way, if he had any integrity as a therapist a), and b) because yeah well I'd just never fit into his world even if he were interested in me at all, which I guess he never was. But that's okay. He cares about me, the way he cares for people, as a healer, as his job. It's beautiful. Like my friend Subi said. And she's so beautiful and funny and crazy. I love her... She said he'll cut me off though... And say he couldn't see me anymore. I said no way. She said ok, girl, we'll see. That's NOT gonna happen. He's in perfect control of the situation, and I'm cool and gonna get over it too.

That's what I know.

Love and Learning to Exhale,

Scarlet-O

Hey guess what? UGH

Yeah. Obviously. I'm not even gonna write about it now. But yeah. Obvious. Not gonna quit or stop going though... Yet...

Sorry-

For all the typos as of late, my internet's been wacked out so I type from my phone.

Emmy's Mac N' Cheese should be illegal.

Dude. I can't even absorb this. Ah. Thursday. Hey Julian, Dr. Darcy, baby, I want to lick you, and pull your hair, and straddle you yeah we've done it about 300 times, each time is better than the last, last time when you threw me up against the wall was hot right? I can't keep my hands off you, I can't stop touching you, your hands are all over me everywhere we go, my lips are all over you, I can't stop touching you, I HAVE NEVER TOUCHED YOU, not even your fingertips, GOOD CHRIST.

Wow.

What's he gonna SAY what am I gonna say what am I gonna do.

He said, can I keep this one, about my CD, I said sure, if you want to... or... it's yours now, you can use it as a coaster... The guy who invented the frisbee just died, he said, I can use it as a frisbee. He held it high over his head and I wanted to grab his hand and say, hey! He set it up for me. I didn't do it. Slow. Slow me. Sloe gin. Oh god I have a feeling, I don't know, I'm nervous.