I'm sick.

I'm sick and I'm really quite depressed at this point.

Is going to the gym for a few hours a really bad idea?

SICK

ugh. finally caught up to me. i'm like dying and cant keep focused on anything for more than 5 minutes making it impossible to check e-mail or talk to people or get anything done, though i finally did that today, and cleaned a little, cuz I just had to do. but i slept ALL day yesterday, and then straight pretty much from like 9 pm to 1 pm today. did some awful errands and now im back and want to sleep some more. cough, runny nose, aches, throat, the works. feel like i'm dropping the ball on life, which is great.

sik poetix

I know the first step is to Close All Tabs.

I know the second is to Exit Aim.

I know the third is turn off all the lights and the fourth is to lie down. Comfortably.

There's mud in my brain and chocolate cake in my belly, and 150 ccs of cerebrospinal fluid in my brain and 1500 extra kcals in my belly.

I'm so sick and antsy, I want to go running, I wanted to go to work, Vinnie called me, but I'm SICK. I really am, I have like, swollen glands...

I'm so sad and antsy, I want to write Julian because he inspired my thoughts but it just seems such a stupid thing to do, and I'm SICK and full and antsy.

I took a sleeping pill, I hope it works when it kicks in.


I'm worried about the truth and I hope it soon sinks in.

I'm feeling uninspired and I'm feeling kinda dim, and I want to watch a movie but my legs won't stop kicking.

The only way to get these legs to stop is to tire them out, but the rest of my body is tired as it is. I feel really sick and kinda like I'm gonna throw up and I want this person to help me I want to talk to him this person who I want to help me but I have to cut that tie, when I see him tomorrow, if I can refrain from writing him tonight.

I know he'll miss me, I know he'll miss me, I know he'll miss me when I'm gone.

Hacked.

My regular e-mail account's gone to the dogs.

Yesterday a friend, that I kinda rarely e-mail wrote me telling me he got a strange e-mail from me with a link, and then I got a bunch of delivery failure messages and looked in my outbox to see that every account on there had been e-mailed some weird shit and then my phone beeped me to re-enter my password because my log-in credentials failed. So I tried to fix it and gmail told me my account had been disabled so I wrote them all about it, hopefully they'll straighten it out soon.

It's fitting, because I hacked my own body the last few days. I feel like kind of a jackass. I don't know why but on Monday I called my pill dealer friend and grabbed a bunch of those Vicodins. I really don't know why. So I was taking them and drinking yesterday and the day before, and they were really gross, and I couldn't sleep or eat, and I didn't go to class, and I went to meet an old friend and was just in a crap mood, but I just felt like I had to finish them. So today I feel like straight ASS. My nose is all runny and I'm exhausted and a bit achy, but mostly exhausted, like I have a fever. I don't get how people can do this crap, to me it just seems like the only thing good about them is that they reset you kind of... back to basics:

Ya think life is good now? Imagine it if you weren't irritable and confused and fu33y and you could keep your eyes open for more than 30 seconds and could finish a sentence and didn't have to throw up every half an hour!!! Well all that could be yours for the incredible price of NONE of your goddamn money!!!

Hah.

Turn it off.

I know. I mince words. Like it's Sloppy Joe night. So: Sick. Fat. Frustrated. Lazy. (Strep?) Flake. Tearverged. Disappointed. Car battery dead. Four days now. Shut in. Four days now. All ready, set, strengthgathered to go play at big place in town, too, before discovery.

Joanna flaked, or tried to make it tomorrow. I was, momentarily, just overit.