It's so tempting to go purchase and ingest a large quantity of drugs right now.
So tempting yet not tempting at all.
That's what I've been doing, for the past couple weeks, if we're gonna call a spade a spade here.
I don't even like drugs of any kind. I just didn't know what else to do with myself. Horrific timing as always, making the noggin' null and void right before a bargeful of shows, the onslaught of school, right at the very moment in life to buck the fuck up, right when right now truly calls from some grace...
Right at the moment I'm drooling over a cigarette typing in tongues.
Ugh.
Gross.
But, no one has to know about this, because I kept my own personal ass pretty much entirely in the doma. No Sid to my fucking Nancy.
The headmath just kinda went something like this-- "Well," it went, "Well! You're not gonna be able to talk to him for a few months, and this is gonna put you out for at least a day or two..."
Wrong.
The stuff, well first of all it made me write him. Like, the Devil LITERALLY made me do it.
And it made me sit and think and wank and cry about him all by my lonesome for COUNTLESS fucking hours...
And then the Killyourself factor significantly spiked, when it wore off.
And it's not even fun.
Who LIKES that shit???
And now, here I am, 80 bucks leaner, two-weeks older, none-the-wiser, and really, no closer to the expiry date of Significant Time passage as I HAVE been communicating, and rather hysterically, at that.
Well. All very good for the art. But seriously. No more. Totally gross. Ugh.
Showing posts with label crazy telepath room sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crazy telepath room sex. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
But.
God I love him. God I love him. God I love you. God I love you.
Oh me and my "really primitive urges" right? REDUNDANCY, SIC. Thank you Julian C Darcy, from the Department of Redundancy Department, Thanks, hi what urges aren't primitive and what things primitive aren't REALLY primitive and since when is that grounds for dismissal, Pinkerian, isn't that like the most important point of everything?? I'M supposed to be the one musing on the value of aesthetic airstuff and lately he's been, he's even using that word now, "aesthetic", and being really abstract, and kind of hard-to-follow, and, well, it's making me mindraced and heartraced and it makes me body ache in really unsuitable ways, which I know is beside the point, but see J we're really really alike, and you're using my whole artillery of weapons against me to arm me for FUTURE WARS with foreign powers aren't you?
And what's fucked up is that-- fighting fire with fire is only going to burn down the HOUSE, and cause fireworks, big, magical, beautiful, ancient Chinese lightshows in the nightsky, gems of shine to rival Aldeberon and the Pleiades and Polaris and Sirius B, seriousLY, claps of thunder, Dopplerian screaming and screeching and whistling as they ascend, and burst, and hey, why are you always acting like you're in a minefield anyway? Trying to avoid setting off a spark? If there is no spark? And why have I been using war metaphors? Oh me and my "aggressive" and "violent" "primitive urges." They are VIOLET. Cuz I'm red and you're blue. Violet. They are getting violent though, pressure is building, buildings and buildings, they climb their way into the atmosphere, they will explode.
And it will be like the lights suddenly went on in one hundred million buildings at midnight in New York City from an airplane soaring fifty thousand feet in the sky.
And it will be the big bang and millions of galaxies in spirals in seconds from the black abyss, from holes of grim nothing and mirrors of everything.
And it will be like the light suddenly went on.
And it will be like And God said Let there be Light.
Oh me and my "really primitive urges" right? REDUNDANCY, SIC. Thank you Julian C Darcy, from the Department of Redundancy Department, Thanks, hi what urges aren't primitive and what things primitive aren't REALLY primitive and since when is that grounds for dismissal, Pinkerian, isn't that like the most important point of everything?? I'M supposed to be the one musing on the value of aesthetic airstuff and lately he's been, he's even using that word now, "aesthetic", and being really abstract, and kind of hard-to-follow, and, well, it's making me mindraced and heartraced and it makes me body ache in really unsuitable ways, which I know is beside the point, but see J we're really really alike, and you're using my whole artillery of weapons against me to arm me for FUTURE WARS with foreign powers aren't you?
And what's fucked up is that-- fighting fire with fire is only going to burn down the HOUSE, and cause fireworks, big, magical, beautiful, ancient Chinese lightshows in the nightsky, gems of shine to rival Aldeberon and the Pleiades and Polaris and Sirius B, seriousLY, claps of thunder, Dopplerian screaming and screeching and whistling as they ascend, and burst, and hey, why are you always acting like you're in a minefield anyway? Trying to avoid setting off a spark? If there is no spark? And why have I been using war metaphors? Oh me and my "aggressive" and "violent" "primitive urges." They are VIOLET. Cuz I'm red and you're blue. Violet. They are getting violent though, pressure is building, buildings and buildings, they climb their way into the atmosphere, they will explode.
And it will be like the lights suddenly went on in one hundred million buildings at midnight in New York City from an airplane soaring fifty thousand feet in the sky.
And it will be the big bang and millions of galaxies in spirals in seconds from the black abyss, from holes of grim nothing and mirrors of everything.
And it will be like the light suddenly went on.
And it will be like And God said Let there be Light.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Letter to Julian 6.23.10
there is a REALLY long list of things i would do, for 97 minutes of time alone with you to watch Word Wars, this really batshit bonkers documentary about tournament Scrabble players.
i would even NotTouch you, if that were part of the bargain, though I really think you oughtta be leaving work at work, not letting it gatecrash people's dreamscapes. besides they need sleep too you know, these rules, yes, they're tough, but we've seen what exhaustion can do to even the best soldiers... they might give out entirely ... they might start playing for the other side. and i actually really love your rules. i love your rules. i love following them, and you should feel smug. you should if there is any sort of to sense to how people feel about themselves you SHOULD feel smug and GOD BLESS YOU and you're sexy when you're smug but these rules, now, now the thought of having to follow them in the following situation, is giving me the beginnings of an anxiety attack, actually, it's actually not pleasant in any way, but beggars can't. so. for 97 minutes just me and just you and a parquet floor, Word Wars and one quilt and one pillow (we would have to share it, touching or not) and 1 gallon stillvasser, 2 carafes german riesling, picnic:
sandwiches-- portuguese rolls with cream cheese and raspberry jam or
toasted pumpernickel w big dill-y chicken cutlets or sesame bagel with smoked salmon and butter and capers or baguette with prosciutto and olive oil and mozz or cheddar cheese toasted with heirloom tomatoes on english muffins, ww., with salt.
pickles, crispy, crunchy, not like trafficlight green or roar-ange in hue... and carrots- no tray of like broccoli/tomato/ashy-baby-carrot/limp-celery-mourning around a reservoir of ejaculate bluecheese/ranch "dip" bullshit, right?
one ton of blueberries
toblerone or pecan pie
Table Top coffee, for aesthetic symmetry, symbolism.
louise. i am hungry.
we can't do all of that in an hour and a half glued to a screen. wait. i need a week of this... 9 days, seven hours maybe?? um, you just keep watching the credits i'm gonna go over there now and :::under breath::: keep sucking on the spout of whatever genie lamp i got me here in the first place........ NO WISHING FOR MORE WISHES, ALADDIN, al-Hamdil Allah! I'm not, I'm not, I'm just amending... I'm... 9 months, 7 Tuesdays??? 97 million minutes? Kill the No Touching Rule?? PLEASE, DJIN!!!
But in all seriousness Julian. Really reallly. Promise me, unless somehow you already have, that you will not watch that movie without me. Please. I know, that means to you, you'll probably never watch it, well, it's not that big of a loss, okay, is my promise to you, it's just a silly stupid movie... and, you can watch pieces of it, like, read about it, whatever else, just please promise me you won't watch the movie start to finish alone or with anybody else, please... I really mean that. And I'm not going to ask you. Because you'll say no, just on principle, and THAT WOULD MAKE ME SO SAD. I CAN'T EVEN STAND IT. I can'tcan'tcan'tICANT. I don't want to be that sad, what would you tell me, beautiful bww about thoughts like that. You would probably say I should be embracing (or well you wouldn't say embracing, necessarily) the present moment and I'm saying, I am. I am. You always bring it back around to that, so I always think about it, and I do it, and I'm seeing all the beautiful moments. My cat is lying on my feet, There's this good song. I played for a bunch of people tonight and I didn't get any kind of nerves or terror. I still felt irritable afterwards, but... and yes, I did, I needed to hear you saying this again, about everything, okayness of things and organic chemistry and defaults and baseline emotions and the need for the correction and I just can't, in honoring the present moment, take my head out of the golden sand of your island for fearing of being washed away by tide into that cold dark luminous but dark ocean that I love but don't want to swim in alone forever, there is no forever, there is no tomorrow, I don't like it when you talk about nevers and impossibilities, how can you tell me things are impossible and to train my focus on Impossible one minute and only Right Now the next?
i would even NotTouch you, if that were part of the bargain, though I really think you oughtta be leaving work at work, not letting it gatecrash people's dreamscapes. besides they need sleep too you know, these rules, yes, they're tough, but we've seen what exhaustion can do to even the best soldiers... they might give out entirely ... they might start playing for the other side. and i actually really love your rules. i love your rules. i love following them, and you should feel smug. you should if there is any sort of to sense to how people feel about themselves you SHOULD feel smug and GOD BLESS YOU and you're sexy when you're smug but these rules, now, now the thought of having to follow them in the following situation, is giving me the beginnings of an anxiety attack, actually, it's actually not pleasant in any way, but beggars can't. so. for 97 minutes just me and just you and a parquet floor, Word Wars and one quilt and one pillow (we would have to share it, touching or not) and 1 gallon stillvasser, 2 carafes german riesling, picnic:
sandwiches-- portuguese rolls with cream cheese and raspberry jam or
toasted pumpernickel w big dill-y chicken cutlets or sesame bagel with smoked salmon and butter and capers or baguette with prosciutto and olive oil and mozz or cheddar cheese toasted with heirloom tomatoes on english muffins, ww., with salt.
pickles, crispy, crunchy, not like trafficlight green or roar-ange in hue... and carrots- no tray of like broccoli/tomato/ashy-baby-carrot/limp-celery-mourning around a reservoir of ejaculate bluecheese/ranch "dip" bullshit, right?
one ton of blueberries
toblerone or pecan pie
Table Top coffee, for aesthetic symmetry, symbolism.
louise. i am hungry.
we can't do all of that in an hour and a half glued to a screen. wait. i need a week of this... 9 days, seven hours maybe?? um, you just keep watching the credits i'm gonna go over there now and :::under breath::: keep sucking on the spout of whatever genie lamp i got me here in the first place........ NO WISHING FOR MORE WISHES, ALADDIN, al-Hamdil Allah! I'm not, I'm not, I'm just amending... I'm... 9 months, 7 Tuesdays??? 97 million minutes? Kill the No Touching Rule?? PLEASE, DJIN!!!
But in all seriousness Julian. Really reallly. Promise me, unless somehow you already have, that you will not watch that movie without me. Please. I know, that means to you, you'll probably never watch it, well, it's not that big of a loss, okay, is my promise to you, it's just a silly stupid movie... and, you can watch pieces of it, like, read about it, whatever else, just please promise me you won't watch the movie start to finish alone or with anybody else, please... I really mean that. And I'm not going to ask you. Because you'll say no, just on principle, and THAT WOULD MAKE ME SO SAD. I CAN'T EVEN STAND IT. I can'tcan'tcan'tICANT. I don't want to be that sad, what would you tell me, beautiful bww about thoughts like that. You would probably say I should be embracing (or well you wouldn't say embracing, necessarily) the present moment and I'm saying, I am. I am. You always bring it back around to that, so I always think about it, and I do it, and I'm seeing all the beautiful moments. My cat is lying on my feet, There's this good song. I played for a bunch of people tonight and I didn't get any kind of nerves or terror. I still felt irritable afterwards, but... and yes, I did, I needed to hear you saying this again, about everything, okayness of things and organic chemistry and defaults and baseline emotions and the need for the correction and I just can't, in honoring the present moment, take my head out of the golden sand of your island for fearing of being washed away by tide into that cold dark luminous but dark ocean that I love but don't want to swim in alone forever, there is no forever, there is no tomorrow, I don't like it when you talk about nevers and impossibilities, how can you tell me things are impossible and to train my focus on Impossible one minute and only Right Now the next?
Sunday, June 27, 2010
julian julian julian
Okay. I'm finally home.
It wasn't bad. I went boogie-boarding in the ocean and got an hour and a half massage by this amazing guy who came to the house. And clothes.
Paul seemed I dunno kinda bitter or something. He's just not someone I connect to. There's just some blockage there aside from all the other things.
Man.
My cat was so happy to see me.
I got her some new litter, her food, we purred for a bit... I need to see Julian. I'm not going to talk about this ongoing semi-repetitive and escalating but possibly dead-end road ad infinitum... I just need to see him. I don't know what he wants from me. I want everything for him, even just to talk to him as a friend if that's how it is. I'm not going to say anymore about this. He teased the dickens out of me on Friday. Well, I'll say... Cuz. Fuck it. This is scarletonthecouch after all....
When I saw him on Tuesday he was weird, because, I hadn't written him at all. I had decided I was just being ridiculous the whole time, in spite of everything. And I didn't write him. And he canceled, and ignored my emails that were totally legit scheduling questions, which is just unprofessional, until I finally sent him one being like, Ok, what is this nonsense. What if I were having a nervous breakdown right now.
And apparently he called me and told me 6 pm had opened up Monday and I could just come in if I wanted but I didn't get his message... So when I came in Tuesday, secretary-scheduled, he was all cold.... And at some point in the conversation he said, "So... you haven't been writing... At least, not to me..."
And I said, "No."
And he said, "Why."
And I shrugged.
And he said, "That looked like a shrug that was hiding an answer..."
And I said, "You know, I'm just like, the pleasure of writing, each punch of the key is accompanied by a punch to the face. Cuz what am I DOING."
And he said... "Are you being kind to yourself? Punching yourself in the face."
So we got on that topic.
So I wrote him. I wrote him, romantic, intellectual, daydream, comedy, love sonnets, quizzes, I wrote him constantly. So when I write him these romantic things... Usually... He's a little more, flirty, dominant, teasy, cocky... when I see him.
So Friday was another full-on tproomsex-day, stare-stare seduce, not just me getting sorta.... bothered... he was too... shifting himself, hand on his thigh and leg crossed over it, moving his chair a bunch of times and sort of laying on it... standing up and sitting next to me, for a second, (now he's done this a couple times), getting up and lingering so we're standing close, at the end of the session, instead of him going straight for the door... he'll kinda stand up, stand over me on the couch as I put my shoes back on (I always take them off) and when I get up, we'll stand there, and tease each other about something, and all this followed by the enormous Julianistic tease of:
Ok... I have a proposition for you, Scarlet...
O-kay
Why don't you...
??
Take your letter. And walk outside. And take it to the mailbox yourself.
(referring to this insurance letter thing)
..............so. that's my julian update. that's what I got. I know it's his birthday sometime around now. I wrote him this funny letter. about if he goes to some family themed restaurant, please dont let the migrant laborer underpaid el salvadorian busboys, and his musical theatre trained waiter stand around atonally screaming happy birthday. cuz those guys make like a buck fifteen an hour. hah.
It wasn't bad. I went boogie-boarding in the ocean and got an hour and a half massage by this amazing guy who came to the house. And clothes.
Paul seemed I dunno kinda bitter or something. He's just not someone I connect to. There's just some blockage there aside from all the other things.
Man.
My cat was so happy to see me.
I got her some new litter, her food, we purred for a bit... I need to see Julian. I'm not going to talk about this ongoing semi-repetitive and escalating but possibly dead-end road ad infinitum... I just need to see him. I don't know what he wants from me. I want everything for him, even just to talk to him as a friend if that's how it is. I'm not going to say anymore about this. He teased the dickens out of me on Friday. Well, I'll say... Cuz. Fuck it. This is scarletonthecouch after all....
When I saw him on Tuesday he was weird, because, I hadn't written him at all. I had decided I was just being ridiculous the whole time, in spite of everything. And I didn't write him. And he canceled, and ignored my emails that were totally legit scheduling questions, which is just unprofessional, until I finally sent him one being like, Ok, what is this nonsense. What if I were having a nervous breakdown right now.
And apparently he called me and told me 6 pm had opened up Monday and I could just come in if I wanted but I didn't get his message... So when I came in Tuesday, secretary-scheduled, he was all cold.... And at some point in the conversation he said, "So... you haven't been writing... At least, not to me..."
And I said, "No."
And he said, "Why."
And I shrugged.
And he said, "That looked like a shrug that was hiding an answer..."
And I said, "You know, I'm just like, the pleasure of writing, each punch of the key is accompanied by a punch to the face. Cuz what am I DOING."
And he said... "Are you being kind to yourself? Punching yourself in the face."
So we got on that topic.
So I wrote him. I wrote him, romantic, intellectual, daydream, comedy, love sonnets, quizzes, I wrote him constantly. So when I write him these romantic things... Usually... He's a little more, flirty, dominant, teasy, cocky... when I see him.
So Friday was another full-on tproomsex-day, stare-stare seduce, not just me getting sorta.... bothered... he was too... shifting himself, hand on his thigh and leg crossed over it, moving his chair a bunch of times and sort of laying on it... standing up and sitting next to me, for a second, (now he's done this a couple times), getting up and lingering so we're standing close, at the end of the session, instead of him going straight for the door... he'll kinda stand up, stand over me on the couch as I put my shoes back on (I always take them off) and when I get up, we'll stand there, and tease each other about something, and all this followed by the enormous Julianistic tease of:
Ok... I have a proposition for you, Scarlet...
O-kay
Why don't you...
??
Take your letter. And walk outside. And take it to the mailbox yourself.
(referring to this insurance letter thing)
..............so. that's my julian update. that's what I got. I know it's his birthday sometime around now. I wrote him this funny letter. about if he goes to some family themed restaurant, please dont let the migrant laborer underpaid el salvadorian busboys, and his musical theatre trained waiter stand around atonally screaming happy birthday. cuz those guys make like a buck fifteen an hour. hah.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Sex List
I'm gonna give another nod to gabbyfox my blogger crush- hey Gabby I'm sorry for misspelling your name before I'm like LD and all that, and for ripping off things you've said twice, and now three times, I always cite, but you're like- in my dreams I am the slutty uneducated you- and, faced with the dilemma of do I want to be with you or do I want to BE you I opt for the former. truly. imitation is the most sincere form of... you get it.
but anyway. here i take inventory of men and stuff. cuz it seems like a good idea.
so i dunno i guess from like, new years on? I was
1- In Cabo with M, known him for years but, took me to Cabo, luxury everything, gave me money, paintings, flowers, wanted me to "be [his] girl" and "my girl would never have to work." SIGH. Blew him off, in Julian's office, during a session, via text, as J dictated, and I, verbatim, transcribed.
2- Hmmm does anyone else remember?? God, is this a list of people I've kissed or who've asked me out or people I've slept with only?? I'm gonna wing it...... Eamonn. The Homeless Professor. See Homeless Professor blog for details. Musician, professor, host of open mic where I performed regularly, attractive, and homeless.
3- Ummm, married obnoxious TV writer whose show just got canceled and who reads this blog. Dude. Your WIFE to whom you were supposedly estranged texted me pretending to be YOU. We just kissed though. Yeah you thought I was gonna let you in my apartment after you took me to a bar one night? Whaddya nuts?
4- Well, consistently, and an awesome person, it's just sex, pretty regularly, my f-buddy, P. And actually, we talk about serious stuff. We're there for each other and he helps me w/ rent. No. I am not a hooker, thanks. We were dating normally. And then all this stuff happened. And now he has a girlfriend, who I like a lot, but still wants to see me and he's smart and really funny and just has his shit together and helps pay my rent. SORRY PEOPLE. It's like, EVOLUTIONARY PSYCHOLOGY 101.
5- Ummm, oh. VampirefromRomania who I was in love with and ended being an ass. I forgot what everybody's fake name was if I even gave them one. I don't even know if I wrote about him. That was like a month ago. Well we first met in October at the club. I REALLY liked him. And then he went back to Transylvania. And I waited and waited. And when he came back I was overit. I'm very attracted to him, we relate, I trust him cuz he's a thug and a vampire, he gets my music, he can be a child, he's not good in bed, and it didn't happen this time. End of story.
*Edit- 8- DATERAPE NECRO GUY
6- Zillionaire M who I was seeing but never even really kissed. Blew him off recently. Apologized but still haven't gotten together again...
7- Seven, one, infinity. JD. Never touched. Had telepathicroomsex.
Sooooooo.. actually slept with three people this year. Soulcount: Three also, but a different three.
but anyway. here i take inventory of men and stuff. cuz it seems like a good idea.
so i dunno i guess from like, new years on? I was
1- In Cabo with M, known him for years but, took me to Cabo, luxury everything, gave me money, paintings, flowers, wanted me to "be [his] girl" and "my girl would never have to work." SIGH. Blew him off, in Julian's office, during a session, via text, as J dictated, and I, verbatim, transcribed.
2- Hmmm does anyone else remember?? God, is this a list of people I've kissed or who've asked me out or people I've slept with only?? I'm gonna wing it...... Eamonn. The Homeless Professor. See Homeless Professor blog for details. Musician, professor, host of open mic where I performed regularly, attractive, and homeless.
3- Ummm, married obnoxious TV writer whose show just got canceled and who reads this blog. Dude. Your WIFE to whom you were supposedly estranged texted me pretending to be YOU. We just kissed though. Yeah you thought I was gonna let you in my apartment after you took me to a bar one night? Whaddya nuts?
4- Well, consistently, and an awesome person, it's just sex, pretty regularly, my f-buddy, P. And actually, we talk about serious stuff. We're there for each other and he helps me w/ rent. No. I am not a hooker, thanks. We were dating normally. And then all this stuff happened. And now he has a girlfriend, who I like a lot, but still wants to see me and he's smart and really funny and just has his shit together and helps pay my rent. SORRY PEOPLE. It's like, EVOLUTIONARY PSYCHOLOGY 101.
5- Ummm, oh. VampirefromRomania who I was in love with and ended being an ass. I forgot what everybody's fake name was if I even gave them one. I don't even know if I wrote about him. That was like a month ago. Well we first met in October at the club. I REALLY liked him. And then he went back to Transylvania. And I waited and waited. And when he came back I was overit. I'm very attracted to him, we relate, I trust him cuz he's a thug and a vampire, he gets my music, he can be a child, he's not good in bed, and it didn't happen this time. End of story.
*Edit- 8- DATERAPE NECRO GUY
6- Zillionaire M who I was seeing but never even really kissed. Blew him off recently. Apologized but still haven't gotten together again...
7- Seven, one, infinity. JD. Never touched. Had telepathicroomsex.
Sooooooo.. actually slept with three people this year. Soulcount: Three also, but a different three.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrowlzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
On Tue, May 11, 2010 at 1:57 PM, Scarlet O'Dwyer scarletonthecouch@gmail.com wrote:
por favor. if you can. im going to lie here face down til you do. but you wont will you. sadist. god i love you. well there goes my week. <3>On Tue, May 11, 2010 at 1:51 PM, Julian Darcy Ph.D. julian@jdarcypsych.com wrote:Scarlet,
I don't have any openings so I could do 1-2 minutes between sessions if its urgent. Let me know.
Thx,Julian Darcy, Ph.D.
Clinical Psychology, English and SpanishSECURITY/CONFIDENTIALITY WARNING: This email and any attachments hereto are intended solely for the individual or entity to which they are addressed. This communication may contain information that is privileged, confidential, or exempt from disclosure under applicable Federal Law (HIPAA) e.g., personal health information, research data and/or financial information. Because this email has been sent without encryption, individuals other than the intended recipient may be able to view the information, forward it to others or tamper with the information without my knowledge or consent. If you are not the intended recipient, or the employee or person responsible for delivering the message to the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of the communication is strictly prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please notify me immediately by replying to this message and by deleting the message and any accompanying files from your system. If, due to the security risks, you do not wish to receive further communications via email, please reply to this message and inform me that you do not wish to receive further emails from me.
Date: Tue, 11 May 2010 13:23:04 -0700
Subject:
From: scarletonthecouch@gmail.co
To: julian@jdarcypsych.com
Can you please call me please? My head is going to explode. Say you can't if you can't. And I'll try to detonate the bomb. But if you can please... THANK-YOU J
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CrazyTelepathRoomSex
Oh, my dearest God. I just had crazy-telepath room-sex. With Julian. As he stared me down for an hour slightly smirking shifting his legs around close to me then back and biting his lip and I stared him back down and then he kept staring definitely winning the crazytelepathroomsex award and doing it veeeeeeeeery deliberately and asking me Aren't you going to verbalize what you're thinking and I said No and then I said I'm tense and then I said And you're making me tenser and he said How am I doing that and I said the way you're looking at me as he was looking me up and down and straight and enjoying the hell out of it as I squeezed my legs together and then his pillow and trembled and flushed and blushed into a sweat and said Ohgod and he said What and he would slowly ask me some question and watch as I blanked and sighed and whenever I talked about anything he deliberately looked bored and I just wrote him to please call me please and if he does what do I say. What do I say. What do I say. Hey Julian whaaaaaaaaatareyoudoing. What are you doing. If there's gonna be crazytelepathroomsex can you at least call me a cab after cuz I can't fuckin' drive right now thanks-much.
WHAT the F?????
WHAT the F?????
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