After some thought... or maybe just 12 hours of a gradual return to my heart's BPM, at four in the morning, I reali3ed: What the F. At the rate he's offering me, I can totally afford to pay once a week out-of-pocket. It's not even an issue. What the F. I was thinking like, I don't know what I was thinking. I'm sure he'll have some ideas... Though I don't know if he'll share them...
Of course before that revelation, after sitting in his office in shock-- ("Well, I'm going to give you some tests to show as further evidence, and another alarmingly worded letter, though they don't seem to respond to that, and, otherwise, we can work something out, I mean... I guess I'm avoiding the feelings brought on by this by suggesting ways around it...")-- I took the tests, and watched another patient enter his office... and went home and bawled, and wrote a few e-mails, all about how I knew this was going to happen, and maybe it meant something, and I'd been thinking about it, and I needed to talk to him before deciding anything... I called his office and he didn't call back... which is weird, and inconsiderate. I'd assume he was trying to get rid of me except that he told me he thinks I should be coming in twice, and is offering me a price like one third of what he would normally charge, and is going through some lengths to appeal these evil people. But then at 4 a.m. I just had a panic about not seeing him, and as I wrote him to please not change my time slots, I reali3ed that actually paying for the second session was not a big deal at ALL.
That's what I got. Last night I saw Cam, who I haven't seen in like 6 months either. I'd thought about him on Thursday, because the stupid teenage vampire romance novel I'm reading has a character whose description couldn't be anyone BUT Cam, among other things... And the next day, he wrote me, out of the blue. He's a model, and he was on this TV show, and now he's doing some music video and wants me to be in it. He picked me up after Psych (oh- to which I was late again- not even by much- like 10 minutes out of a 3 hour class, but of course during those 10 minutes he gave a qui3 that someone told me was worth half the exam. DUDE. If I get like 100's on the exams and don't get an A, I'll go on a killing spree... I don't care much about grades, hell, I'm 23 and just starting community college, but, F, I'm paying for it, and I need like a perfect GPA to transfer to the really good state school with a scholarship, should I actually continue with this school thing, though I'd have to change a lot to really do it, because at the rate of 2 classes a semester, it's going to take me 78 or 79 years to get there. Anyway.)- he was really late, but looked incredible as always, and we went to a bar, and he got me a couple drinks, and he was really nice and complimentary and sweet, as he always has been to me... Really like that character in the book, who is the ultra seductive teen foil to the protagonist chick and he fated true love-- i.e. Satan.
I sent Philip Stone* my music website. He responded first thing this morning and said he sent it out to some people he knows. I was tossing and turning all night and when I saw I had an e-mail at the time of morning I looked and I was so thoroughly stoked. He's AWESOME. And truly, the best writer around right now. Truly. I'm not the only one who thinks so... some huge lit publications have said so too... the best to have emerged in a decade, and stuff. So I'm really pretty stoked.
I slept through class today but I had to. I got back from drinks w Cam at like 2 30 despite my insistence that it was a schoolnight. I had a lot of fun though. He talks a LOT. But he's really gorgeous and his attention feels pretty good too.