Scarlet on the Couch

i am actually afraid to go running because im afraid of how ill feel when i come down from the high
im afraid of how ill feel when i have to walk back into my lonely apartment
im afraid of how late it will get
and i wont get my homework done
i havent done anything fun since new years
im always with the wrong person, to have fun

i have fun at work, drinking and dancing sometimes, but its work
i have fun performing, but its work too

my classes have been fun
everything is work

work and errands

i really do want to die a little
i really want to be nicer to myself
but im too angry at her
all the pain she feels is her fault

i dont know what to do besides blow my brains out
if i take a bunch of sleeping pills ill wake up feeling like shit