Saturday, June 5, 2010

it was a little better for like 2 minutes and now its really fucking bad
i hate where i am and want to be where im not
and think about going there
and start sobbing hysterically
have i been here often
maybe i should look back
has it always been like this
its hard to remember
i dont want to die but i really dont want to live
because although there is so much beauty
i know i wont get to see it
because im so slow
and waste so much time
and so lazy
and such a coward
that all there's ever to do are errands
and i complain the entire way through everything
and then its gone


i cant take it

i dont know how i did the things i used to do
i have been all over the world

my mother took her life too
at least she got married first
ill never be in love again
i just dont SEE HOW
i dont see how this will ever change
it has been exactly the same for a year
but i mean exactly the same
groundhogs day
i need to end it, i cannot take it anymore. i cant. i understand now. i do.


  1. Don't end it. You matter to me and I'm sure others. If you're gone, there will be a hole inside of me that will never go away.

  2. Oh k, thank you so much... You really touched me, and make such a difference, and you are such a beautiful spirit... your golden light.. <3