Sunday, March 21, 2010

I dunno what it is now.

I went home early. I couldn't make a dime. I liked being onstage. Onstage I was great tonight... Better than ever. All the girls were watching, with their men from whom they were milking money like lifelong dairy farmers, they stopped and watched, each time, and they rarely do. But the rest of the time... I just COULDN't do it. I couldn't walk up to these guys. And when I did they just leered and grabbed and a lot were rude and it was one rejection after another despite everything. And then I'd walk away, and I feel so sad and rejected and horrible and look over 5 minutes later at them, being lead to the back by another girl. Any girl, every girl. I know why, I know I came off depressed, and passive, and it just doesn't work.

And I need the money. And I just can't get myself... I just couldn't walk up to these guys.

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