I had the genius idea of bringing my laptop to Psych lecture and wowowow I have wifi!!!
The internet fucked up in class and this whole post just got lost.
Keep it short and sweet then.
Scarlet fell off the couch. I saw Julian today, and it's finally done. He told me he's not attracted to me for many reasons. He doesn't date his patients. He has a personal life outside of therapy. And my insurance didn't approve more sessions, and I have 3 left until the end of April.
So, fuck. I want to die, and I can't stop crying, even in class, even driving, even when Therese was over. I was delusional. I feel so sick. Therese is all telling me how great this is, how the happiness I felt had nothing to do with him. It makes me sick hearing stuff like that. Because all the magical happiness I create magically when someone loves me is all magically gone when they leave. And that hasn't changed. "It has to come from you." She said.
DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING ALONE I AM???
HOW MUCH MORE IS SUPPOSED TO COME FROM ME? I'M FUCKING SPENT. MY LONELY. LOVELESS. DELUDED. ASS.IS.DONE.