minor detail i omitted about kissing julian,
3 and a half weeks ago. august 6th.
about kneeling before him and taking his hand. and looking up at him.
and him looking at me. and leaning into me. and stopping. and me leaning toward him. and kissing him. and him kissing me. and me kissing him til i got dizzy and ran my hand slowly up his arm and thats when he stopped me and thats when we held hands again and thats when we stared down at our hands until i said
i can hear what youre thinking when i touch you like this
and thats when he told me he had to tell me something
and thats when he said hed made mistakes and This is... it's everything you thought. It's everything you thought and. And you're right. About everything.
the rest is how i described it. and i don't know why i left that out. my loyalty to him. my loyalty that's beginning to crumble away.
and now i cant speak to him. not a word. after a year of constant comment. and a mindblown kiss. and a long overdue admission.
now can we understand why my heart is broke.
why one day at a time is the only way to take it.
why it's hard for me to accept or indeed- to believe- that it was all just nothing- that it's something to forget- that's it not worth waiting for.
why i can't just...
"let it go"?