Thursday, May 20, 2010

i am so horribly fucking sad at night, at night, yeah, so much better after 6.3 days.. so much better when its a slicing pain instead of a stabbing pain, when the sun burns like a keyhole to hell that sinks like a stone along with everything thats ever dawned on you. and I NEED =; )] and im sick of it.
this is my post-7 miles jogging+1 mile sprinting+1 mile cooldown walk-CRASH. im concerned ive lost it, really just finally lost it. gde sumaseycho dom? vot gulayom...
i am still in the springtime of his voodoo insofar that im consistently selfloved (not like that. weaksynonym: imok, strongsynonym: innerstrong, antonym: selfloathed) and i think he gave me a permanent supergift with that though i realize, i've always had a love-love relationship with my body, a love-hate relationship with my brain, and my poor heart is just neglected. and my Seeing Eye is selfmocked, ignored, appreciated, hidden, shamed. and all the seers off themselves.

so now I've got wallace, wallace, dreams of =; )], myself and some enthusiasm for, some famous people i'll be working with and... modeling again and... and all i wanna do is write, and i guess this is IT, right? if you're pursuing this? this is what you DO? this is FINE... i'm not a loserlazyslacker, not REALLY....... just lonely that's all.

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