Sunday, July 4, 2010


actually i'm in a really shit mood. i feel like anyone in my life just feels sorry for me and thinks i'm this mess of a loser. sunny feels sorry for me. she always acts like it. naima thinks i'm a self-obsessed wreck now after last night. celine can't stand me either. all the men just want to sleep with me, not because i'm attractive but because they think i'm a slut and talentless and desperate. julian is my doctor. it's his job to be nice to me, and he probably flirts with me because he wants me to have some self-esteem. cam is done with me. manny's not my friend anymore because his wife hates me. z thinks i'm a fucking knowitall dilettante. carly just got engaged. i'm going nowhere in life.

i feel fat and lazy and like every time my i feel good about myself it's just mania-based delusion. because these are the facts. i'm selfish and i don't keep up with people and even this writing is fucking selfish loser bullshit. i have to go to sunny's because she came to my show out of pity. but i don't want to. i don't want to do anything. i'm broke. and the only reason i'm not evicted is because P came through and gave me some money and i got another check from the movie. otherwise i'd have been in the red. my car's about to fall apart. my phone's falling apart and i can't afford a new anything because i ruin everything because i'm a fucking loser.

i can't keep any friends because i'm too lazy and selfish.

the end.


  1. Don't be so hard on yourself. I think you're amazing with talent and brains and a deep thinker who sees through facades easily. I don't feel sorry for you either. I just like you. :) i'm sure others do too although not the ones who use you.

  2. ohhh i take it this is a low point. hehe

    and your not too lazy and selfish. your comments on my page prove that. i love your comments and advice.. and your point of view.

    sometimes life looks grave. but there's always light at the end of the tunnel..
    on a high point.. your show sounded like it went great... minus mentioned friends not showing up... but it sounds like the response from from the crowd was awesome.
    who knows? things may be looking up!

    *i'm so glad i read through my comment before i posted it... so many spelling mistakes... i realized i wrote light at the end of the table... instead of light at the end of the tunnel... hahaha i think i'm tired