I am not wasting another navelgrazing word on him.
It's embarrassing, I'm embarrassed, by all of it.
My good god.
I just got home from work tonight; it was all right, I brought my neighbor Lena... I don't know if I've even mentioned Lena because I've only been seeing her the last few days and wasn't blogging...
She's a beautiful, angelfaced, mystical doll. She's right across the hall. She's brought her dog over here, and Madeline was like, Lena just looked at her with that angelic smile and Maddy chilled out, and they got along. My crazy cat and a dog. A dog who will just sit right next to L for indefinite periods of time and not budge.
She's a dog whisperer. And a painter. 21. Never danced before. But I knew I could tell her, and I had no qualms about bringing her, and we went in and Vinnie was like, you're in good hands, this is the best girl here! And showed her how my polaroid had a big #1 on it. Haha. He was like all the girls ask Why is SHE number one, she's never here!! And he's like Because she just is!
So that's me at the club. It was really nice going with Lena. And hanging out with her. She didn't make much but the guys are all over her, I told her she's just gotta learn to swing the dance thing and be a liiiiittle pushy and not waste time with those who aren't shelling.
We're both exhausted though. I told her, it is draining.
I have a show tomorrow at KGB. And some filming the next day. I DON'T have a whole bunch of empty fillable time.
I don't have a whole bunch of money.
I need to stop seeing him.
I was so upset this afternoon. I don't even know why. He wrote me a letter. He told me how to get this carousel at the park where he goes hiking. It's all in my head. And it's breaking the bank.
And it's breaking me.